mynewplace | Entries tagged with i hate money!

I hate having no INTERNETS!!!!!

I have gone through 240 posts this morning, just TRYING to catch up!

This is insane. I wish I had money to get internets. Or at least a wireless thingymabob.

Weekend, good. Spent Friday night alone, and most of Saturday. VERY GOOD.

Today - nearly cried at idea of getting up and going to work. Asked out loud while turning off alarm "Why? Why do I hate this so? What am I going to do?"

I am going to do nothing. I dreamed last night that my landlord came by and told me to move out by February 1 because he had someone willing to pay the full rent. I reminded him he had to give me 10 days, and he did so. (How generous.) Didn't really happen of course. I just want to move out so bad I'm looking for any excuse. I also have an overwhelming dread of EVER asking ANYONE to help me move. NEVER. AGAIN.

I can't think about that now. I'll think about that some tomorrow.

I haven't had much to say these days. I think even that sentence is a repeat. I received a very sweet card from a very lucky man in the mail yesterday. I now have "I love you" in writing with his signature, so it holds up in court at last.

Busy weekend ahead, and I don't want it. I have almost no money left and payday isn't until next Friday. I mean almost no grocery money, nothing. I feel like a horrible person for having so quickly spent the money all of you gave me, but I did at least reserve it for crucial issues, like our glasses. It was a great help. Christmas is ALWAYS like this - tension and fear during the weeks between pay periods, then frantic attempts to keep the utilities on while providing gifts that will please my loved ones, cooking, working, going to performances, being cold and thus being in pain: there are just TOO MANY issues with this holiday. I don't care much for it any more.

My dad tells other people (not me of course) that I throw my money away and don't spend it wisely. I'm sure that's true, but changing that requires changing certain habits that are quite deeply ingrained. If I have to think about one more single thing to do every day my brain will explode. I don't have time to break habits right now. Truth is, I never do, and that means I'm supposed to make time, and can we say vicious circle everyone? Say it with me: Vicious Circle. Good.

Well, it's back to the file room for more purging. It will probably take me a week to finish this project, during which many other work issues will be ignored and back up on me. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I forgot - the one thing keeping me sane right now is the sound of The Drifters singing White Christmas in my head. ba-do-beedo

I feel like I ought to say something, but I don't really have anything to say. It's been quiet, kind of. I've been grocery shopping, didn't go to Taste of Charleston because I didn't have enough money. Have been moving slow but reorganizing things, moving pics around to different walls, etc. Had an early dinner and now I'm thinking about dessert. More cleaning to do, but probably won't get to it this evening. GOT to put some more shit away. I'm running out of places.

Penn Station sandwiches are not worth the price. Steak Escape tastes better, and is cheaper. (Not much cheaper, but still.)

I spent too much money last night. I bought a lockbox for Scarlett's PS2 controller and the computer modem. And her NeoPets thingy. These will NOT be used during the afternoon when she is home alone. That will be time for homework, chores, and reading. Of course she'll watch t.v., unless I unhook the cable instead of the modem. That's a thought if she has behavior issues.

I also bought a new pair of tennis shoes which I desperately needed. The heel spur is giving me grief over wearing sandals every day. Just a few more weeks, feet. I bought a copy of Chuzzle - HOORAY FOR JENNY! And ANOTHER DVD player. This is the second one this year. I don't know what we're doing wrong, but I wish my boyfriend were electronically inclined. I hate trying to figure this shit out alone. It was easy when it was just a blinking clock. But hooking one to another to another is getting tough.

She had a meltdown last night, and didn't get to sleep until close to midnight. Neither did I. She had another meltdown this morning over her hair. She won't make the effort to get the brush through it all because it hurts to brush through the tangles. I've already had her hair cut once because of this. I WILL do it again if she doesn't learn to brush through the pain. I had to learn, everyone with a "tender head" has to learn. But she recovered, and I didn't blow up. It was a victory over all.

Saw another bug this morning. Undefined type. Bygod I WILL get these bastards licked. Heavy duty scrubbing will be required. And much spraying in the cracks. I fucking hate cleaning. But I hate bugs more. And I WILL move that furniture around. I don't care who likes it or doesn't. I've got pictures to move, and a 50 pound mirror to hang. Whoo hoo. Who wants to help, said the little red hen.

OMG BEST ICON EVAH!!!! Found the pics, gymorama made it for me. The only thing missing is the way the hair on the little guy looks so silky in the game. That's just not well-represented in the pictures. No fault of gym's. Jenny, feel free to swipe the icon if you like.

In cutest news, you can actually hear the baby panther mewling at the end of this video. More OMG CUTEST EVAH!! However, do not - I repeat DO NOT look at the video about the 67 kittens. Heartbreaking. I wish I had a house so I could have more cats. Along those same lines, I wish Brent and I were a year further into our relationship so we could be living together or married or something, and maybe buy that house at the top of my hill. However, God has worked this out between us and I know His timing is better overall. We can't do any of those sorts of things until we both get on our feet financially, and he pulls himself together emotionally. I long for the day, tho. I need to quit wishing my life away. This will be a precious year with Scarlett.

I think I might be saving some money by purchasing one or two meals worth of food at a time. I keep thinking I need to get 10 for $10 of this or that, but I don't really have the storage room. Brent does, somewhat. Still, I won't be able to do the grocery every day thing when Scarlett starts school. If she doesn't go to daycare after school I WILL have a bit more time to get home, but I don't know. I keep trying to plan our school mornings but I don't even know what her schedule is going to be. Which reminds me I've got to get on that.

And I've got to get a file pulled. And some put away. So I need to get off here. See ya'll later.

Things went very nicely last night. We didn't stay for dinner, only went to her house to pick up some food she had prepared for Brent. We ate some of the meatloaf for dinner, it was of course delicious. Brent's mother is a very sweet woman - outgoing and talkative but not to the point of being overwhelming or annoying; friendly and smiling, and generous. She has a clever sense of humor. I was SO glad to get that over with.

I am so tired. I crashed at about ten last night. I suspect it will be even earlier tonight. I'm suffering through that monthly feeling of anticipation and frustration, so I know I'm ovulating, and I haven't smiled much in the last couple of days. My own sense of humor is shut down right now. I'm going to stay home tonight, and I think Brent is going to go home tonight as well. My kitchen cupboards are almost bare, and my cats are suffering from the lack of attention. I came home this morning to find a bag of hot dog buns scattered all over the living room and dining room, with tiny bites taken out of them like they were ears of corn. Ran the sweeper at seven a.m., probably pissed off every neighbor I have. Don't care.

Mom wants Scarlett to come home Friday and spend at least one night with me. I want to see her, but I really have nothing to feed her. Mom will give us groceries to take home when I go to pick her up. Got to remember not to let mom bring her to me (despite the fact that I only have a half tank of gas). LIfe is weighing kinda heavy on my shoulders. The same is true of Brent - he's got a lot of issues. I feel so bad for him. In fact what I'm feeling is probably in part empathy for his situation. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Current Mood: moody mood
Current Location: Desk of SUCK
Current Music: footsteps in the hallway

Cats cost money - and I still don't have any.

I'm pretty sure Suzi has worms now. Didn't have them at the vet, or so they said.

My brain wants to break if I think about it too much.   What to do, what to do.

Well, I guess I'll go do work. That's what to do.

Current Mood: waffley - no syrup
Current Location: Desk of SUCK!

Okay, so fairly good almost-news, maybe.

I finally had a chance to speak with my landlord. I asked him about his other apartments, and he informed me that the ones in the right area were smaller than the place I'm in now. He kept pushing Dunbar (which wouldn't be bad in a pinch) but he finally said that he'd talk with his wife about cutting my rent. AND give me an answer before the end of the month. SO, rather than letting him forget about it, this gives me the opportunity to nag him.

He said he'd consider taking $50 off the rent. That will be a huge help, but won't give me true relief. However, I will TAKE it, rather than trying to find another place, pay a deposit, and find the time and muscle to move. In a month or two I'm going to see if he'll consider letting me store some things under the building in waterproof containers. THAT would give me some breathing room in here.

ALSO. Mom and my stepdad have decided they will keep Scarlett again this summer. She'll be spending a lot of time at her dad's anyway, so I might be on an alternate weekend schedule with her during the summer. I don't know, but it's possible. That will put a bit of cramp in Brent's style, however, it could allow us to eat here in the evenings, take care of the cats and shower while he putzed around on the computer, then go to his house to sleep. In my not-so-humble opinion, he could curb his drinking quite a bit this way. And he could do things with his buddies on his alternate weekends. Or something.

Finally, my stepfather is a retired structural engineer. He used to work for Highways. He's offered to supervise the drainage and repair of our parking lot this summer, if my landlord is interested. Mom said he wouldn't want any pay for it, but I reminded her that any pay could be applied toward my rent for a month. I'll be telling my landlord about the offer when I pay him next month's rent.

And that's all. I'm gonna go bake cupcakes.   Ciao bebehs.

See squee-worthy bebehs here: http://anita-margarita.livejournal.com/

I am 98% certain that I am not going to find an apartment that will hold me and my kid without bankrupting me. Thus I did today what might have been a crazy thing. I went to a mobile home dealer and completed a credit application. After I have or have not been approved, we will discuss purchasing a singlewide mobile home. They've found a piece of property for me, but after looking up its location in my city street guide, I'm fairly certain a mobile home will not be tolerated on that property. Thus, we'll have to find a park.

Long range plan is to pay on this a few years, then trade up after credit rating is inexplicably improved. Inexplicably, you say? Yes, for despite my tendency to make payments when they are due on large purchases, I have difficulty maintaining the "little things". I just am not to do da money so good.

I will require assistance from my mother & stepfather to make the downpayment. This assistance may not be available, it's highly possible that they simply won't have it. They may be able to borrow it, but I am not sure how that will go over. Also, they will not want me to buy a mobile home without first talking with my sister, who purchases repo'ed trailers. Thing is, I have to have bank pre-approval before I can purchase anything, and that's not easy to get. My credit union won't even talk about mobile homes, OR pre-fabs. I must go with the bank that the mfr uses or recommends.

This is hugely scary for me. Even having my name out there on an application is more than my credit report can withstand right now. But this rent is also more than my paychecks can withstand. What do I do?

If all things are denied, and I must resume the apartment search - it's VERY likely I will have to find homes for my cats. It's that bad, and I don't have much hope that finding homes for them will be possible.

Current Mood: skeert

Spent 30 minutes and $80 at the grocery - I finally feel like we have almost enough food to last us until payday. Went to Aldi, which had my FAVORITE hot dogs - Oscar Meyer cheese weenies!! SO we'll probably fire up the grill this weekend.

Scarlett's Friday plans were cancelled, and my mother will be out of town for the entire Mother's Day weekend. (she is NOT happy about that) Thus Scarlett and I are on our own, and I won't be having any sex this weekend. We might splurge on a matinee or something.

Told my landlord I'd be late with the rent, he was very cool with that.

Suzi seems to feel a bit better.

I still have a headache and neck ache, and I might just take a bit of codeine tonight. I've had this head/ear ache for several days now.

Had potato chips and dip for dinner. So there.

Current Mood: hurting

Suzi's leg hurts. That's why she's been so grouchy with her sister.
She's limping, but she is using it. She's also not eating much, and
still hiding a lot, but at least I know why now. I can't take her to
the vet until maybe Saturday and it's driving me nuts because she needs
to go before that. I don't want to let her go without eating. If I
could find her hiding place I'd go home at lunch and give her a dose of
pain medicine. But I don't know where she's going.

I can tell already this is not going to be a very productive day. Maybe
I can get my time sheet done for April.

Scarlett got out of school early today due to a water main break. I stopped and picked her up on my way to the office, and brought her in with me. She hasn't been nearly as much interruption as she used to be.

There's a predator on the loose in our county who has been trying to coerce children to get into his car. I had heard on the radio that he'd been picked up, but apparently that was untrue, as he made an appearance at a local grade school yesterday. My cousin works at that grade school, and that's how I heard about it - haven't seen anything in the papers about it yet. Our grade school has been locked ever since the Virginia Tech shootings, but our playground isn't fenced in. Suffice it to say Scarlett will not be walking home alone any more this year. She might still stay home alone for a few hours at a time, because she keeps the door locked, and has been taught to let no one in, not even my mother. Mom has her own key.

I'm officially out of money, down to a quarter tank of gas, and don't get paid until Monday. My life will suck this weekend. I might spend the weekend in Nitro. Haven't quite decided yet. His funds are low as well, but we don't need funds so much when we're just hanging out at his house. He's been sick for several days, so there's not a trace of alcohol in his system - he'll probably be doing some serious drinking to catch up.

Our county is introducing the concept of magnet schools, and the premise is very exciting. Up to now the two high schools in my local area have been considered "magnet" but did not have specific specialties. The county board has now given six high schools in the area "magnet" status for specific education programs, including hospitality, teaching, engineering, advanced placement, performing arts, finance and international studies. I find it hilarious that the International Studies school is the one where the accents are the ab-so-lute WORST. Residents are infamous for their atrocious grammar and I doubt even 2% of the population is "other-than-white". Course you get a passel o'rednecks together anywhere around here, and SOMEBODY'S gonna claim Cherokee blood, but that's so much bullshit it's nothing but funny.

Finally, Scarlett is being invited to a three week program at (I THINK it's called) Eastman Academy. It's for children who need help or additional work during the summer, and her teacher recommended her. Although she's in gifted classes, she is still only producing a few A's each nine weeks, mostly due to distraction and her inability to organize herself. Plus her math is fair, at best. It's a $600 tuition, but scholarships are available, and I'll definitely be applying for one. And I will indeed fudge the numbers if necessary. She needs to get in this program. I hope it doesn't interfere date-wise with anything else we've scheduled. If so, we'll be doing some rescheduling I think. This is pretty damned important.

My petition for reconsideration of the child support formula was denied. Jeff doesn't make enough to even include the cost of child support. Apparently once your income is below a certain point, that's the only number they use. I'm fucked for child care this summer. GOT to find a new apartment.

You know, for all the shit I've put up with these last couple days, I've been in a remarkably good mood. Good sex will do that for a woman. But I digress. I am in a tenacious battle with my insurance company because they say I STILL haven't met my personal prescription deductible DESPITE THE FACT THAT I PAID OVER $100 FOR A SINGLE PRESCRIPTION IN AUGUST. Stupid bastards. My back and body hurt due to the stupid female thing I'm doing right now, and I am coming home wiped out. Today is the worst day of the female thing, and I SHOULD have stayed at home to deal with it. But I don't, because that wouldn't be kosher. A man stays home when he cuts his fucking finger. We women are stuck PIGS once a month but by god we'd better strap on a couple mattresses and tuff it out mutherfucker. siiiiiiiiiiiigh

I finished my taxes and am ready to mail them. I don't think the IRS "free efiling" is really free. I believe I've ended up paying every year. No matter, I'll get it taken care of. Need to transfer money from one checking account to the other because, well it doesn't matter why, but I haven't done it because I'm afraid it will cost money, blahblahblah. My mind is on edge today, and there's nothing I can do to ease it. I want to go home, goddamnit.

The foot doctor called. AGAIN. I am NOT going to reschedule, I can't afford it and I can't wear that stupid brace they gave me, and I'm just going to fucking hobble forever, now leave me the fuck alone. Can't see my psychiatrist, can't get my meds, can't see my therapist, can't can't can't.

Fuck.