mynewplace

I have this friend,

blue_leaf , who is remarkably insightful. I had a spell this week, really wanted to grab each of you and shake you by the shoulders and say "read my stuff-I need feedback!", but instead I just got pouty and posted. lol And in response, I got this from him:

Ok this may sound whacked but here goes.
Suppose there is this juicy delicious pear and a guy buys it but do to some rare genetic disorder he does not have the taste buds that taste pear flavor.So he bites it and thinks "hey this pear sucks"
Does that in fact mean that the fruit is bad or has no value or taste ?
Not at all the pear in reality is very succulent and tasty it just needs the right person to appriciate its deliciousness.
so it seems you my dear have not found a person capable of enjoying what and who you are .Do not try and mold yourself to what you percieve others want.That is a lie to yourself and them and will cause suffering.
Be content in yourself and enjoy your uniqueness.
I myself am what I term a Blue leaf.
I always felt different than others and never really fit in anywhere.
Like a blue leaf on a green tree.I am indeed different but does different mean less? or unattractive? The bother leave in their green hues can not understand ,but that does not make me weird or ugly.
I am glad I am not like everyone else.
I am much more than a just my body.The real me is inside and shines a light from my heart that I know people can see.You too have a light to shine.You are attractive in body and spirit.Do not sell yourself short by what others think.
Hugs.John.

Isn't it beautiful? And isn't he right? So wise. It kinda surprised me to know that I had said something similar to Scarlett just the other day. She was complaining that the boy she liked doesn't like her. And I remembered then all those years spent liking boys who weren't interested in me. I wondered years later how many boys DID like me that I didn't notice or ignored because they weren't what I wanted. And I told her this.

You can crush all you want on someone who is your 'type'. But if they don't crush you back, its not their fault. Some people like flat chested women. And some don't. You can't make a leopard change its spots. But you can learn which leopards like YOUR spots, and focus your energy on them. I get lots of attention, even though most of it is online and not near enough of it is in real life, because I don't bother with men who don't like fat chicks.

I still have a lot of misery to deal with, inside. The source of my jealousy, the feeling I get that I'm never going to figure out what it takes to be the kind of woman a man stays with, and learning to like myself enough to be alone forever, are all huge issues. But its coming around, slowly.

And in other news: Steven, I can't believe you deleted all those comments. damn damn damn damn