(no subject)

[mynewplace]

I have this friend, blue_leaf , who is remarkably insightful. I had a spell this week, really wanted to grab each of you and shake you by the shoulders and say "read my stuff-I need feedback!", but instead I just got pouty and posted. lol  And in response, I got this from him:

 

Ok this may sound whacked but here goes.
Suppose there is this juicy delicious pear and a guy buys it but do to some rare genetic disorder he does not have the taste buds that taste pear flavor.So he bites it and thinks "hey this pear sucks"
Does that in fact mean that the fruit is bad or has no value or taste ?
Not at all the pear in reality is very succulent and tasty it just needs the right person to appriciate its deliciousness.
so it seems you my dear have not found a person capable of enjoying what and who you are .Do not try and mold yourself to what you percieve others want.That is a lie to yourself and them and will cause suffering.
Be content in yourself and enjoy your uniqueness.
I myself am what I term a Blue leaf.
I always felt different than others and never really fit in anywhere.
Like a blue leaf on a green tree.I am indeed different but does different mean less? or unattractive? The bother leave in their green hues can not understand ,but that does not make me weird or ugly.
I am glad I am not like everyone else.
I am much more than a just my body.The real me is inside and shines a light from my heart that I know people can see.You too have a light to shine.You are attractive in body and spirit.Do not sell yourself short by what others think.
Hugs.John.

 

Isn't it beautiful? And isn't he right? So wise. It kinda surprised me to know that I had said something similar to Scarlett just the other day. She was complaining that the boy she liked doesn't like her. And I remembered then all those years spent liking boys who weren't interested in me. I wondered years later how many boys DID like me that I didn't notice or ignored because they weren't what I wanted. And I told her this.

 

You can crush all you want on someone who is your 'type'. But if they don't crush you back, its not their fault. Some people like flat chested women. And some don't. You can't make a leopard change its spots. But you can learn which leopards like YOUR spots, and focus your energy on them. I get lots of attention, even though most of it is online and not near enough of it is in real life, because I don't bother with men who don't like fat chicks.

 

I still have a lot of misery to deal with, inside. The source of my jealousy, the feeling I get that I'm never going to figure out what it takes to be the kind of woman a man stays with, and learning to like myself enough to be alone forever, are all huge issues. But its coming around, slowly.

 

 

 

And in other news: Steven, I can't believe you deleted all those comments. damn damn damn damn

Comments

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Ok. I've been trying to find the perfect time to tell you this. And this post seems to be it. In response to: the feeling I get that I'm never going to figure out what it takes to be the kind of woman a man stays with

It may feel that way now. May have always felt that way. A good friend of mine once gave me the best analogy in the world.

Trying to find love is like trying to find your keys. (This analogy worked the best for me because I always lose my keys.) She said you keep looking and looking, and there are spots that you're ABSOLUTELYJUSTSOFUKINGSURE that "yes, the keys are there!" and then, dissapointedly, you come to find otherwise. So you continue to look for your keys. Eventually, when you find your keys, you get to stop looking for them. I don't know many people that continue to look for something after they find it. The process of finding it is just the grueling one.

I dunno. Maybe that helped. Maybe it didn't. Hopefully it did. I know it helped me at one point.

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

Does that mean that love is already in our pockets, near the door, or wherever we first went when we got home?

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Smartie. Don't confuse her - she's trying to help! *smacks your arm*

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

I could have said that even after you find your keys, you just end up losing them again, especially if you're the kind of person who loses their keys, so it's like you're in this continual search for your keys.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I never lose my keys.

I have a place for them. And I put them there, because I HATE losing them.

But I remember what it was like when I used to lose my keys. And it WAS satisfying to find them when I finally did.

I'm cold. I'm gonna go put some clothes on.

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

I don't lose my keys either. I'm just sayin'.

It's warmer here. I had to take some clothes off.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

mmmm

which ones?

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

I'm half-naked! That would be because I was only wearing two things to begin with.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I wanna see

*pout*

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

You're not missing much.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

You should let me be the judge of that.

:-P

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I'm not THAT easily confused. :P

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I know sweetie. I'm sorry. *giggle*

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

oh no!

You don't want to comment whore with me right now. I'dm drunk and making absofuckinlutely no sence at all. See I cant' even speell or type.d

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm on my way to bed, actually. Its three a.m., after all.

And I haven't had anything nummy to drink in ages. I wish it wasn't 3 a.m., I'd have some rum.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Technically, for myself it was.

It's been right under my nose for years now. Just didn't find it until now.

So you never know.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well, I know. I envy you the fact that you've found it under your nose. But its not under my nose. There's not a single man within a 50 mile RADIUS of my nose.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

*putsd one there*

Oh I hear a ringing in my ears. Weird.

You are wonderful. You should have 8 loves.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yes I should. But I'd settle for one. And not even consider it settling.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

PS. If you know where your keys are you'll never find love. MUAHAHAHAHA. Ok. Not really.

I just wanted to poke fun back at you.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Honey, I loved this analogy. I have to admit Gregory gets carried away, and I probably encourage him too much. But I think you are awesome, and I appreciate you weighing in. *kiss*

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Yay. I'm glad I'm helpful. And stuff. He didn't get carried away. Unless he wasn't just messin around. But you know. I have no clue what I'm typing about right now.

So I'm going to stop.

I will read this tomorrow and realize just how retarded I am. KTHNXBYE>

PS. JELL-O SHOTS RULE.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

You're so silly!

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

omg you have the greatest smile ever.

pretty lady.

I WOKE UP WITH MONO/A REALLY BAD COLD/SOMETHING ICKY. *cries*

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

hee hee hee thanx

and

aww

its just a hangover - you sillly beyatch. Sounds like fun last night babe!

[onesexiladee.livejournal.com]

John is a wonderful and loving individual. I know him personally, and I will be the first to tell you that you are lucky to have such a great and wise friend as him. I taught me, as he so eloquently, told you that it is ok to be different and accept ourselves and the great qualities we have. We are a special and unique and I am thankful I have such great people who remind me that each day. You and John are both amazing strong people and I am honored and priviledged to call you both friends. Hugs!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks sweetheart. Hugz back babe!