Apparently....

[mynewplace]

Apparently, I received my divorce announcement from Steve Martin this morning, and I missed it. 

I know I can be a bit inattentive at times, but to be married to someone I've never met, now that's pretty bloody blind. Where's my settlement money? 

What do you MEAN What am I talking about?????


Dog poop!


If you understand this post, tell me.

Comments

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

I break with thee,
I break with thee,
I break with thee,
(Poop flinging on footwear)
schplatt!

Um... you stepped down where fido left off?
is that what happened dear?

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I don't really know, but it's possible. The little rag mop upstairs isn't very discerning.

And that's PRECISELY what I meant! I've had those lines running through my head ever since I told Brent "I think I have dog poop on my shoes."

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

I would then suspect that the tennants in your apartment building were lax in their fecal sanitation of common walkways.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well, I DID have to call the landlord THREE TIMES with the last dog owners. So it's no surprise.

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

Don't cha just hate having to do that , when it is just plain common sense to pick up. I can't believe our downstairs neighbors let there area get so messy, because they pay a hell of a lot in rent to live in the condo, why not keep the yard and patio clean?. (luckily we own and pay half as much in mortgage)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

These idiots lived upstairs, and would let their puppies out to roam alone. So when the puppies pooped on MY porch, the owners didn't even know.

[i-love-tazzus.livejournal.com]

I don't understand this totally, but the answer would probably take my head off... *laughs*

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

See blue_leaf's response. On Steve Martin's Wild And Crazy Guy album, he does a bit about divorce in the Middle East, saying all a man has to do is say "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee" And then ya throw dog poop on her shoes. Classic stuff.

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

You know I asked for the "wild and crazy guy album (that's right vinyl) for Christmas when I was about 15. My mom got it for me and I put it on the stereo, follow the action here :
Steve Martin via spinning black disk on phonograph:
The other day I went over to my girlfriend's and she has the best pussy!
( My methodist born again Mother's ears pricked up and her face turned righteously red)
Steve Martin cont: Now come one you guys I was talking about her cat.
(Mother cools down a bit)
Steve says: That cat was the best fuck I ever had!
Mother storms back to the record store with me in tow and proceeds to ask for her money back loudly stating that she will never be a patron of such a filthy store again. I stood there looking at my shoes.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

OMG! I forgot about that line! I never, NEVER let my mother listen to it. And I guess that made me probably 13 when I got it. I remember having to explain the joke "These two lesbians were walking down the street..." to one of my girlfriends in junior high.

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

From that point on I had to sneak albums into the house and watch what I played when she was home, LOL I even borrowed albums from friends and placed them in different covers to avoid her detecting some rather un-christian music.
Why does the Bill Gaither trio album cover have Frank Zappa and the Mothers inside ? hahahaha

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I SEE! That was some great thinking. I'm not sure I would have come up with that, but then I didn't have to. My stepbrother was already listening to hard rock, and I preferred country until I hit about 13. Even after that, I sort of naturally kept things hidden from my mother. I can remember brushing off her smart-assed question about "Day Tripper" from the Beatles.

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

Oh I hid lots of things and disguised others haha like the "Incense" that smelled so pungently like burning leaves of some foreign country when I would especially play Animals by Pink Floyd and sit in my bean bag chair with the oil lamp lit. LOL was I cliche for the Late 70's ? hahahaha

[not-secure.livejournal.com]

exCUUUUUUUUSSSE ME!

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

I just realized that I got that album in 1978 yikes Christmas 28 years ago!
Talk about a ghost of Christmas past!

[retro-rider55.livejournal.com]

I still think the banjo might have saved Nixon...

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

You CAN'T be sad with a banjo!