Not Work Safe

[mynewplace]

Not Work Safe. Damn, that's so true.

I have been suffering through a bout of mental clarity and acuity today. I have been reminded that much as I adore him, I don't want to 'steal' Brent. Oh, I'm not saying I wouldn't change my mind if circumstances changed, who can know that. *shrug*  But I didn't go for blood here, like I normally do when I set my sights on someone. 

I haven't been to the office since last week. Haven't seen him since Thursday, from halfway down the hall. Haven't exchanged words with him since Monday morning, before I left for NC. But he remains on my mind. I think maybe its because I have to process this completely before I can put it behind me. I have no intention of pushing this from my mind. Its one of the few times when I can actually say with no reservations "That fuckin' rocked!" His timing, the intensity, everything was just perfect. No second thoughts, no real regrets, and I left feeling even better than when I went in. Sure, I'm greedy. I'd like more. But I'm totally cool with it as it stands. And I think that's primarily because I haven't laid eyes on him in a week, so while I've still been hot, I haven't been tortured with the idea of him being in the same building, just an email away.

I don't want to hurt anyone. And I don't want him to hurt anyone either. I'm gonna try and control myself once I get back, too. I mean, I've got something for him, but I'm not sure he still wants it. And I don't know if I'm gonna show him the pictures, either. Even though he's in my mind in those pics, and I can sense his presence like a ghost on the film. I guess its because I know what I was thinking while Brian was taking them - how much more beautiful they would be if he were in them. But he's not mine to show you, much as I'd love to.

He was the physical embodiment and fulfillment of a lust that has been building in me since May. I think I poured onto him a lot of the desire and hunger I'd been experiencing with several different people, just focused it all onto him until he gave in to it. And I feel remarkably empty right now. In a good way, sort of relieved, or eased in a sense.

He doesn't seem to be regretful. I hope and pray that he's not.

For some reason, my mind keeps coming back to this picture. I have a lot of nerve I guess, posting something like this, after posting that last slice of art by Brian. But its very representative of how I feel right now. Blurry, out of focus, yet sharply super-imposed over an empty space. Curious about myself, and liking what I'm seeing these days.

Comments

[cernnunos6669.livejournal.com]

I love your notworksafe pics. they make me very happy.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Ooohhhh!!! You delicious thing! MUAH! MUAH! MUAH! MUAH! all over your sexy self...

[lady-katen-666.livejournal.com]

badabababa i'm lovin it
;)
i love your not work safe pics too;)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

LMFAO!!! You're so funny! I had to actually sing that to myself to figure it out, too damned clever!

Thanks babe.

[lady-katen-666.livejournal.com]

lol i wasn't sure if you'd get it or not- cuz I wasn't sure if spelled it right or w/e lol :p

[weibchenwolf.livejournal.com]

*snugs*Still yummy.

I'd so love to do a photoshoot with you!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Oh, if you EVER get to the U.S., PLEASE look one of us up here.

[anaudicguy.livejournal.com]

I like what I'm able to these days too :-)

[anaudicguy.livejournal.com]

*to see

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

thanks sweetie. xxx is there something that you've NOT been able to see these days?

[anaudicguy.livejournal.com]

Ah I was just responding to your last line where you said something to the effect of "I've been enjoying what I've been seeing" in yourself lately :-)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Oh, silly me. Of course *grabs and snuggs and nibbles your neck* muah!

[anaudicguy.livejournal.com]

:-D

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. You are.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

noooo *pushes* YOU are! lol

Thanks babe.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

lol. Goof ball.

You are :P

*pushes back*

I can so totally take you down!!! RARRRRR!

(aren't I terrifying?)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Oooh! I'm shakin' chickie! 'Specially since I could sit on you and crush you like a grape! mwaaahahahahaahaaaa

*grabs and hugs*

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Ah, but I am quick like Jack Be Nimble...

Or something.

Yeah.

*grabs and hugs back*

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

Nerve can be a good thing.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* It certainly seems to be working for me. Do you like this one? I could qualify that, I suppose "Do you like this one better than the other one I sent you?" *grin*

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

They're very different. I do like the mirror and frame framing the picture.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That's one of the things I like about it. I'd love to have one of myself like this, that's actually in focus. Hmmm. *eyes 8-year-old*

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

Just remember to share.

[slytherinsheirx.livejournal.com]

You know what I think of this already... But I'll say it again anyway because I want to.

Love it love it love it!

*hugs kisses and strokes*

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

awww *ducks* thanks honey.

[adidaschica2323.livejournal.com]

woohoo my first glimpse of sapphire and me likey, me likey a lot!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

lol thanks *blush*

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

I am glad that things turned out to be this way... I think that it was the best possible outcome... and you already know how I feel about you, but I'll say it again nonetheless: I loved this picture of you as well, as I did that others...

Love ya!

P.S. Sorry for the posting frenzy, but I found out that I had a lot of things to say... Love you still!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Really? Thank you for reading this. I needed that feedback. I'm finding its not as easy as I hoped it would be to sit back and be cool. Its torture, Valia. Todd is supposed to go before the parole board at the end of this month. I can't even tell how I feel about that, because my mind is still wrapped around this.