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mynewplace) wrote2004-12-30 12:00 am
Not Work Safe
Not Work Safe. Damn, that's so true.
I have been suffering through a bout of mental clarity and acuity today. I have been reminded that much as I adore him, I don't want to 'steal' Brent. Oh, I'm not saying I wouldn't change my mind if circumstances changed, who can know that. *shrug* But I didn't go for blood here, like I normally do when I set my sights on someone.
I haven't been to the office since last week. Haven't seen him since Thursday, from halfway down the hall. Haven't exchanged words with him since Monday morning, before I left for NC. But he remains on my mind. I think maybe its because I have to process this completely before I can put it behind me. I have no intention of pushing this from my mind. Its one of the few times when I can actually say with no reservations "That fuckin' rocked!" His timing, the intensity, everything was just perfect. No second thoughts, no real regrets, and I left feeling even better than when I went in. Sure, I'm greedy. I'd like more. But I'm totally cool with it as it stands. And I think that's primarily because I haven't laid eyes on him in a week, so while I've still been hot, I haven't been tortured with the idea of him being in the same building, just an email away.
I don't want to hurt anyone. And I don't want him to hurt anyone either. I'm gonna try and control myself once I get back, too. I mean, I've got something for him, but I'm not sure he still wants it. And I don't know if I'm gonna show him the pictures, either. Even though he's in my mind in those pics, and I can sense his presence like a ghost on the film. I guess its because I know what I was thinking while Brian was taking them - how much more beautiful they would be if he were in them. But he's not mine to show you, much as I'd love to.
He was the physical embodiment and fulfillment of a lust that has been building in me since May. I think I poured onto him a lot of the desire and hunger I'd been experiencing with several different people, just focused it all onto him until he gave in to it. And I feel remarkably empty right now. In a good way, sort of relieved, or eased in a sense.
He doesn't seem to be regretful. I hope and pray that he's not.
For some reason, my mind keeps coming back to this picture. I have a lot of nerve I guess, posting something like this, after posting that last slice of art by Brian. But its very representative of how I feel right now. Blurry, out of focus, yet sharply super-imposed over an empty space. Curious about myself, and liking what I'm seeing these days.
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;)
i love your not work safe pics too;)
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Thanks babe.
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I'd so love to do a photoshoot with you!
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Thanks babe.
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You are :P
*pushes back*
I can so totally take you down!!! RARRRRR!
(aren't I terrifying?)
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*grabs and hugs*
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Or something.
Yeah.
*grabs and hugs back*
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Love it love it love it!
*hugs kisses and strokes*
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Love ya!
P.S. Sorry for the posting frenzy, but I found out that I had a lot of things to say... Love you still!
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