Friday

Was going to do a meme from Leigh, but I just did it on June 2.  I guess any fact you come up with off the top of your head qualifies as random, but my head isn't working properly today. 

I feel like shit. It's surly gurly full day one, and I'm nauseated, lethargic, and pissy.  I think the trip this evening is a contributing factor as well.  Several people have suggested perhaps I shouldn't go, since I had a minor meltdown over it with Brent yesterday evening, and turns out Scarlett had one before bedtime last night as well.  Judging from the things he said yesterday while we discussed my issues with my father, Brent would likely tear daddy's head off if he experienced a day or two with them. It's nice to think someone would be so aggressively defensive on my behalf; I've never really known anyone who was willing to stand up for me before. And believe me, I've felt the lack of that in my life.  

I never really thought about it, but if I continue to feel this way all afternoon I might not be able to MAKE the drive this weekend. My muscles are starting to feel weak. Wonder how much of this is mental, and how much is physical. I really feel as if I could throw up. I bet that's stress. Although, I do feel that way on occasion with my period as well. Damn. They're going to be SO disappointed. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I might not be able to go. 

I think I'll try and find a couple of days to take off, and go then.

(no subject)

OH! Alright, dammit. lol

More of the random faxness:

1.  I have three stuffed beavers in my possession. Cause I'm a dam girl, yanno.

2.  I finished Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire in 40 hours.  Straight.  I think I slept about four or five of those, and I didn't eat. It was a delicious escape.

3.  I've never kissed a woman.  I DID kiss my stepsister on the cheek once while I was dreaming.  Really freaked her out. Kinda did me too, because in my dream she was my boyfriend. 

4.  I'm about six hours short of being a licensed Pharmacy Technician.

5.  I use ONLY red nail polish on my toes.  I don't wear any on my fingernails.

6.  I like to wear fake tattoos. Especially in the summer.  I've even worn flavored tattoos on my nipples. 

7.  I've ended relationships with men when they revealed that they preferred "other acts" to the actual act of intercourse.  Now I find myself in a relationship with a man like that. I sometimes wonder if this is Karma's way of getting back at me for the rejection of those other men. If so, I'm gonna give Karma a swift kick in the ass if I ever meet her.

Friday night

Scarlett is in bed, and I'm headed that direction.  I've been dozing most the evening, and talked with Brent for about 20 mnutes. He found a new apartment, ten blocks from the office. Hopefully he'll save at least $100 a month in gasoline, natural gas bills and rent. He's very excited. He offered to stay for dinner tonight in order to have more of the meatloaf I made yesterday. It was my first in more years than I can count. And it was tehbomb.  He was quite enamoured. Of the meatloaf.  

I am so afraid that he is rushing this relationship out of a sense that I'm his only option.  I know that's a bad thing to think, I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It's dropped too many times in my life for me to have faith in this change in him. I'm still scared. I will be for a while, I think. 

Am feeling a bit better about the drive tomorrow. I don't like driving on the Turnpike, but I always manage with only minor panic attacks. I'm sure tomorrow will be the same.  I completely forgot to pick up Scarlett's medicine this evening. I'm just not fully functioning right now. So perhaps I should go to bed.