(no subject)

[mynewplace]

I can't believe it - they only allow 150 interests on here, and I didn't even get a chance to add Kiefer Sutherland. Dammit!  I didn't even get to add most of my favorite groups. Oh well.

Today has been a really strange day. Im thinking of ending my most recent identity, and just using my other hotmail identity exclusively. Maybe Scarlett and I will disappear or something. I'm growing increasingly bizzare as I lurk in this universe, and it concerns me sometimes. Real life needs to step in - big time. I believe this may be my way of forcing its hand, so to speak. I love the idea of the furor it could cause, publishing what's left of my writing posthumously, the sadness on The Restricted Section, making myself over again. Fun fun fun - reminds me of something that might have happened in DOGMA - absolve yourself and recreate the universe - "You get all this for only $19.95!! Act now, operators are standing by!"

IS it so bizarre to want to recreate yourself occasionally? I think not. After all, who hasn't wanted to wish something away, be it a day, a week, a job, or a lover? And there are suicides and murders taking place all the time - and isn't that what is basically going on inside those heads? "If I'M not here, then things will be different"- or - "If THEY went away, things would improve." How often do you get the opportunity to do such a thing? I've already killed myself off at TRS once - I had two identities and when I wanted to submit a story, I was told I'd have to delete one because the address was too easy to Google. I could be too easily located by stalkers, etc. (shades of bloodhounds!) So I killed off anita911 and became only sapphirescarlet - and eventually added another identity. Some of you know her, some of you don't. Those of you who matter to me here would be unaffected. I'd simply change the email addy I use, and you'd be none the wiser - those of you who matter to me on IM would be notified, and all would remain as it was in your own little 'verses'. Oh, what's the harm?

But then again, what's the benefit? Besides the lurid satisfaction of "attending my own funeral" a la Tom Sawyer, and face it, who hasn't wanted to do THAT before?!?!?!! What else would I stand to gain from such a move? I could be rid of Peagan, but not the pain that encompasses that situation - perhaps it would shake him from his current stupor, tho. THAT'S always nice. And as this other person, I could step in to offer comfort to those who loved me - muuaaahahahahahahaa. That was the purpose for creating the latest additional identity anyway. Luring him away. Why should that matter? No really. Why? It doesn't. Not a lot anyway. I just get tired of stagnation, of lack of movement, no wind in my sails. Who sings that song? Little River Band! That's it! "Cool Change"

I have had the lyrics to that song running through my head for years now - every time I'm miserable, or sometimes just when I feel that aching need to be where I'm not, I hear this haunting voice singing to me. . .

"Well I was born in the sign of water, and its there that I feel my best . . ."

"It's kind of a special feeling when you're out on the seas alone, sailing on the cool and bright clear water."

Can't believe I found the lyrics, it took like 30 minutes. This song speaks to me like very few others - even reading it stirs that music in my mind, brings tears to my eyes and this horrid ache in my belly to go, just go. . . You know how you feel when its summer and dark outside and you're about to go off with your friends with nothing but a flashlight, and suddenly you feel like you've gotta pee cause you're just that damned excited? That's how this song makes me feel.

If there's one thing in my life that's missing
It's the time that I spend alone
Sailing on the cool and bright clear water
It's kind of a special feeling
When you're out on the sea alone
Staring at the full moon, like a lover
Time for a cool change
I know that it's time for a cool change
Now that my life is so prearranged
I know that it's time for a cool change

Well I was born in the sign of water
And it's there that I feel my best
The albatross and the whales they are my brothers
There's lots of those friendly people
And they're showing me ways to go
And I never want to lose their inspiration

I've never been romantic
And sometimes I don't care
I know it may sound selfish
But let me breathe the air
Let me breathe the air...

I think I'm gonna go order a pizza.

I've edited this out of love and respect for someone who has suffered a great loss recently. The meaning remains the same, few of you will even notice the change.

Comments

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

Well, everybody at some point in time or other wanted to change sth about their selves, or their selves completely, so no it is not bizarre to want to do such a thing, and since it is only an net identity, then it is no harm done. And what about the benefits you ask. Well, how about freedom to begin sth new and completely different? Think of all the possibilities... So, go on, create a new you and have a great time!
Hugs and Kisses
Nem

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

You are so good for my ego and my self-confidence. I wish you lived closer. Dammit.

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

I wish the same for you dearie...
Love
Nem