My Kamala Tendencies

[mynewplace]

Fellow Trekkers may recall this episode - others may yawn and quickly move away. But there is insight here, for the people who like those entries. http://stng.36el.com/st-tng/episodes/221.html  

The Perfect Mate

The Enterprise is ferrying Kriosian ambassador Briam to a meeting with his opposite number, Voltan ambassador Alric, where the two warring systems will finally settle their differences on board the Enterprise. Unfortunately, some Ferengi on board wreak havoc at the wrong time, and Briam's "cargo" is revived early, and revealed to be a beautiful woman named Kamala, who seems to show an immediate interest in Picard. Kamala is a rarity, a female empathic metamorph, who unconsciously molds her personality to meet the desires of those men around her. Eventually, she will bond to one man, and she has been intended since birth to bond to Alric, ending their bitter feud. Riker takes her to some quarters, but she quickly turns herself into his ideal woman and tries to seduce him.

The following morning, after being told by a very angry Beverly that Briam has Kamala confined to quarters, Picard goes to see her. She explains that her presence could be detrimental to the crew, and when Picard asks her to stop changing herself in this way, she explains that it's part and parcel of who she is; "one might as well ask a Vulcan to forgo logic." Picard asks her what she and other metamorphs do or want when there's no one else to mold to. She says, simply, that she's incomplete. Picard leaves, visibly disturbed by her forceful approach.

After initially failing to convince Briam that she can move freely, Picard appoints Data her chaperone. Even Data has his hands full, however, when Kamala causes trouble in Ten- Forward with a group of miners. Kamala later tells Picard that she thinks she should remain in her quarters, and will-but only on the condition that he visit. Picard first demurs, then becomes fascinated when she shows a sudden interest in and knowledge of archaeology. Panicking at his own interest, Picard attempts to convince her that he's really a very dull fellow. She doesn't believe him, but he manages to make his refusal stick.

However, shortly thereafter, the Ferengi's attempt to bribe Briam results in Briam being severely injured. The Ferengi are sent to a nearby Starbase, but now the negotiations are in jeopardy. A delay is not possible, since Kamala's ability to permanently bond does not last long, and Picard is put in the position of having to conclude the negotiations-and worse yet, work closely with Kamala for days in preparing for them.

They become closer over those days, and Kamala admits that until this voyage, she had never been alone at all. She understands her place in history, and intends to fulfill it, "but I find it ironic that on the eve of this ceremony, which I spent my entire life preparing for, that I should meet a man like you." Alric arrives that evening, but is woefully stuffy; by his own admission, he's far more interested in the trade agreements between their two worlds than he is in Kamala. Picard brings Kamala up to date on the arrangements (she is to be presented to Alric the following morning at ten), but Kamala asks him not to leave. He tries to simply sit and talk, but Kamala draws ever closer, not even entirely knowing why.

The following morning at tea, a morose Picard bares his soul a bit to Beverly. He says that although he realizes she "will change as soon as the next man comes in the room...I find myself hoping the next man won't come in." Bev sympathizes, but tells him she doesn't think she can help. Picard arrives to escort Kamala, only to have her tell him that she's already bonded; to him. Regardless, she intends to go ahead with the ceremony; being empathic, she can still please Alric and ensure that he never knows. Picard gives away the bride, looking rather stricken. Finally, the recovered Briam heads back to his ship-but when he asks Picard how he could possibly have resisted her influence, Picard merely tells him to have a safe trip home.

I have only seen this episode of Star Trek-The Next Generation once. It has stayed with me because I so strongly identified with the woman at the center of the conflict - Kamala. I’ve always been a bit empathic, and my psychic abilities stem from that in great part. They have been honed until I can tune in to someone, even online, quite accurately at times. This episode is a reminder to me - this is what I was meant for. No, no, not the ‘giving away’, but the bonding. Its part of why I get so deeply enamored of a man so quickly, its how I can come to know someone enough to freak them out with very little interaction. It’s a talent that until recently has been completely unappreciated by anyone but me. I think it probably fucks with a man’s head more than making him enamored of me. I’ve been asked not to do it, don’t get inside my head like that, but its not something I can just turn off. Its triggered by my interest in a person - if I’m only casually interested in them, then I don’t do it so much. If a man shows blatant DISinterest in me, I can often stop, at least enough to pull myself away before I get in too deep. And for some reason I’m sure is related to mutual disinterest, I don’t focus it on most coworkers. Brent is an anomaly in that regard. As much as I’ve come to love myself and appreciate my ability to manage on my own, this is still a part of me. This is a big part of why I am so lonely, because this spirit inside me searches for its focal point. I’ve proven to myself and most everyone around me that I CAN do this life thing on my own. But I don’t WANT TO. Its never seemed to matter what I want, tho. I’ve been at the mercy of what someone else wants, constantly looking for that one someone else whose ‘want’ is ‘me’. There have been some who have seemed to want me, but the connection has to be there. It has to be that person whose spirit can recognize mine and nurture it.

That golden chain that is wrapped around my soul lies in my own hands now. The weight of it is welcome at this point, I like being back in control of my heart. But I don’t want to carry it around forever. My spirit searches for the right hands in which to place it, where it will be held firmly and with kindness, and not be laid aside.

 

Comments

Somewhat unrelevant comment

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

I watched pretty much the whole series start to finish, but have barely seen it since. I don't remember much of it anymore.

Re: Somewhat unrelevant comment

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I see reruns all the time, on FX and I think the SciFi channel. And a few other channels as well.

[thehangedman.livejournal.com]

Sorry, what I meant was that I haven't watched it.

And yes, I know that should be 'irrelevant'.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Hadn't really thought about 'un' or 'ir'. And sorry you haven't seen it. I highly recommend the episode, obviously. Famke Janssen is totally gorgeous.

Mr P

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry you haven't heard from me in ages, I recently found some one to fall in love with! A 40 year old lady who is so kind and gentle. it's like somethimg out of a dream I've had before that I wish would come true and now it has!!!! God I neened this so bad and I got it! I'm so happy now you have no Idea, how I found this girl is truely amazing! She loves me too as I love her And I hope you find some one too, dont go to waste because there are pleny of men who would go for a stunner like you, honest.

Re: Mr P

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

My, that was quick! That's lovely, sweetheart - I'm very happy for you. And never fear for me, I believe I've found someone as well. ;-)

[merrywitch.livejournal.com]

I love the series and have been a Trekkie since the sixties. I remember the episode well.

I always found the episode quite sad and, in some ways, a reflection of what we as women are societially expected to do; change ourselves to meet the needs and desires of our male partner. I don't mind compromise but I object to being seen as the party whose needs are so subordinate that it is expected I will become someone else just to please a man.

Still, to each their own.

Blessings always ...... Merry

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Merry - I totally agree. I have a rebellious streak a mile wide, and nothing angers me more than a man who expects a woman to change to suit him. Nor do I agree with women who try to change a man. You can't change someone, either love them as they are or move on. And in those respects, the ones you mentioned, you are absolutely right. Its appalling that even in this day and age there are still groups of people who expect a woman to forget her self for someone else.

In my own life, its never been a matter of changing to suit someone. I have this ability to learn someone, their preferences, desires, and habits, then find a niche within their life and fill it. The times I've been permitted to do this, on a small scale, the talent ranged from fixing his coffee in the morning to finding him a used car in the paper when his was no longer running. And a myriad of little things in between, anticipating his needs and filling them the way he liked before he knew they needed filled. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I used it on Brent as well, although I didn't realize I was doing it until I looked back - finding just the right combination of temptations to lure him away, even for only a few moments. I can do it with my female friends as well - no one ever tells me what they want for Christmas, I just know. I will hunt down a reclusive girlfriend at just the time she needs to talk, and I always know who's on the phone when it rings. I can't explain it, its just there, and I love it about myself.

[merrywitch.livejournal.com]

Empathy is a wonderful skill (which I share) but it can also sometimes allow us to pander to our perceived lack of self worth by heeding and acting upon the needs and wants of others, all too often at the expense of our own.

Since I have been in my current relationship I have changed a great deal, but all of it has been change that I needed and was happy to pursue. The fact that it has also made my partner happy is mostly incidental. I will always believe that our first and strongest loyalty is to ourselves, for until we cherish ourselves we can not expect anyone else to cherish us.

LOL I guess I woke up one day and discovered I was a feminist~!

Blessings and love ......... Merry