Friday

[mynewplace]

First a bitch:

This is my cousin on the cover of this magazine. She is a carbon copy of her mother, whom I grew up idolizing. And she looks just like the rest of my mother's cousins. One of the secondary reasons I grew up thinking I was ugly was because I didn't look like HER. My looks come from my dad's side of the family, whom I didn't see much. If I'd grown up with them I'd have been considered one of the pretty ones in comparison. lol

 http://www.amazon.com/Tea-Experience-Digest/dp/B00081KXWQ

 

The eyes and hair are what get me. They ALL have those huge chocolate brown eyes that are long and just begging for eyeliner, cheekbones no matter how round their faces get, and their HAIR! While a lot of the cousins have kinda dry hair because they tend to color it a lot, Julie's is just thick and black and took the slightest curl when she'd put it up on those 3 inch rollers. And she kept her shape. The Lemons do that, where as we Conleys (my moms'd DAD) got Grandma Kappels curse, no hair and big bellies. SO German. (they have awesome mouths too, but I can't complain there because I got's me one as well.)

Moving along, popfiend asked "Why are you here?" today on his Casual Friday. 

I'm here to learn to love. That's the meaning of life folks. Hate to break it to ya, cause I know it's simple, but there ya go. 

In other news, Scarlett's first dance performance in the itty-bitty-half-assed dance school production of selections from the Nutcracker went REMARKABLY well. She remembered all her steps, she had poise, she had grace, she had her arms perfectly arched. All points in which the other dancers were sorely lacking, even their princess-en-pointe. Who is ALL legs and arms, just astonishingly so. I was relieved and quite proud, because this is her first REAL dance class, and she kinda fucked up at the mall during that little group-thing for Build-A-Bear. 

So she has a rehearsal tonight, a dance tomorrow, then it's off to the mall with me to find a present for herself. Perhaps back home to cook dinner for the drumgod, perhaps not. Dunno yet, and am not holding my breath. He'll be drunk Friday and Saturday night, and I'll likely get my invitation at nine p.m. I'm going to pass tonight, and pressure him to at least ask me tonight to come over tomorrow after he plays.  Dammit, there's no sense in his slacker behavior.

Comments

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

1.) She's pretty.

2.) So are you. But I know how you feel. My past as a dateless wonder still haunts me even as a married adult. And no matter what I hear, there's still a teenage boy inside who feels ugly and rejected. I'm still trying to kick his ass, but he's good at running and hiding. I told you all of that to say one this. I know how you feel in comparison to other, that doesn't make either of us right. You = pretty. Deal with it.

3.) See what you get when you sign onto my flist? I'm good for the ego. :)

4.) I'm here to learn to love. That's the meaning of life folks. Hate to break it to ya, cause I know it's simple, but there ya go. - Just Beautiful.

5.) YAY for Scarlett!!!

6.) *BIG SQUISHY HUGGAGE* - because that's what I do.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Aawww, thanks!! For all six of them!

My primary reason (note I used secondary in this entry)for thinking I was ugly growing up was because little boys that I knew TOLD me so. And even grown up, there were men I loved who told me that I wasn't all that. It took years of therapy and a bighandsomeman months of convincing for me wonder about why I looked pretty sometimes in the mirror, and that's when I gathered the courage to take my own photo and post it on the intarwebs. And boom! Suddenly I'm pretty. It's a bit disconcerting, but I'm learning to wear it well.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

As a teen, 3 girls pulled up in a car and called me "FUGLY."

I've never quite healed from that.

I'm married. I have a wife I adore and who adores me back and tells me I'm handsome and sexy and something 3 teenage girls told me in a car sticks with me.

My dateless wonder years, the rejection from the opposite sex and the teasing and just the moments when you KNOW other people are talking about your appearance, or the overheard conversations.

They're still in the back of my mind.

I can push them away most days, but sometimes no.

And the occassional, "you're hawt" comment from the ladies on my flist has been an awesome validation over the past year and a half.

So yeah.

Been there, done that.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I've seen pics of girls who use the word FUGLY. They are bony and have bad hair.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Oh, and by the way - the teenage boy? They don't respond well to ass-kicking. But maybe if you coax him out with a pretty naked wife who climbs all over you, he might dissolve into a quivering mass of hormonal ash, and those types of remains are easily absorbed back into the psyche.