Tuesday

[mynewplace]

Well, I'm going to put this stuff together that I've said to Gym today. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. Not slowly. You know how those grey clouds follow cartoon characters around? It's like that, except there's a whirlpool that's under me, wherever I go, sucking me down. Yeah, this is gonna be another whiny-bitch rant. 

I can't get the voice calling me "slut" in my head and the desire in my body to leave each other alone.  All Roy wants is a fuckbuddy. And he thinks that's all I want, but I don't want to be anybody's fuck buddy. I want someone to love me. Or at least like me a lot and not see me as a sideline. A lot of this is possibly the depression, (that the Lexapro didn't fix) but some of it is also feeling like there is no one else right now, so I feel like Roy's the last man in the world who will be interested in me. And he's not good enough, because he makes me feel like I'M not good enough. 

I'm very conscious of my withdrawal from everyone, but no one wants to be what I need, so what is my choice? I don't feel I have one. I just have to do what I can for Scarlett, and try to keep the house up a little. That's all that's required of me at home, so that's all I'm doing.

Comments

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

and you can say it to me anytime you need a shoulder and ear. Hope the new meds help. What did you find in your search?

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

It makes you sleepy, or keeps you awake. Who the hell knows. I took one last night, and I couldn't tell ya yet.

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

and maybe it will take time for the effect to build in your bloodstream. i know prozac can take 6 weeks in some people

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yes, it probably will take a while.

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

work addy blocked also. i tried to reply. Error set to non-work that you can't access *sigh*

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know. I got the message here at yahoo, but it was truncated! And of course I can't reply. I don't know what to do about the damned work email thing. I'm going to talk to a techie.