DRAMA!!!!

Okay, I'm ready to beat him. Well, I was, but I've gotten over it, and no nosebleed to show for it yet. Yay me.

The dipshit down the hall started in on me at 8 fucking 40 this a.m., wanting to know "what the other night was all about".  I sat through yesterday unaware if he was even in the building and half ready to jump out of my skin because I didn't know - while he laid at home probably stoned out of his gourd. Then he comes in here and starts in on me before I've even sat down at my desk.

Our email 'discussion slash argument' went on for four fucking pages until about three p.m.. Some of the kinks seem to be ironed out, but I've been relegated back to 'hang out buddy', and I'm not sure how well I'm gonna deal with that. Since I have some one to fuck this weekend, I might be okay for a while. But next time he pins me to the wall and begs me to stay with him, I'm gonna pull out all the girlie stops. I'm gonna cry and make him tell me how much he wants me and how pretty I am and how much I drive him crazy before I capitulate. And I'm gonna make him swear that he'll touch me this time, because I NEED HANDS ON ME!!!! DURING SEX GODDAMMIT!!!!!

Brilliant lyrics

I Heart Roger Miller.

Long Time Gone
I've been a fool
I've been a foooooooool
Forgivin' you each time you done me wrong
I've been a long time leavin' yeah, but I'll be a long time gone

Loved you so much
Loved you so muuuuuuch
I stayed around when I should'a moved along
I've been a long time leavin' yeah, but I'll be a long time gone

Husbands and Wives
(I really SHOULD do a voice post singing this. It's SO my song)
Two broken hearts, lonely, lookin' like houses
Where nobody lives
Two people, each havin' so much pride inside
Neither side forgives
The angry words spoken in haste
Such a waste of two lives
It's my belief pride is the chief cause in the decline
In the number
Of husbands and Wives

A woman and a man
A man and a woman
Some can, and some can't
And some can

Train of Life
I sit alone at my table
And watch all the others have fun
I'm tired of sittin' on the side track
Watchin' the main line run

I'm tired of havin' no future
Livin' on things that I've done
I"m tired of sittin on the side track, mm hmm
Watchin' the main line run

Train, train
Oh let meeee ride
Don't leave me
Train of life
Train, train.

I got no one to call me their darlin'
To hug me and call me their hun
I'm tired of sittin' on the side track
Just watchin' the main line run

I'm tired of havin' no future
Livin' on things that I've done
I'm tired of sittin' on the side track
Just watchin' the main line run

(no subject)

The devil is after me. He knows when I've set my resolve, that is the perfect time to strike, and he does so. Time and time again.

 

I just got off the phone with Brent. He called me "Just to make sure we were ok", and we talked for about 20 minutes. Robert hasn't called, but then he wasn't supposed to. What if he stands me up tomorrow night? I'll go out with Lisa. But I won't get laid, I won't get hugged, the best I can hope for is someone to brush-up against me as they squeeze through the bar. I did manage to refrain from begging him to let me come over. Goddammit. I know I have a microwave mentality, and a slow-cooker lifestyle. But when the encounters leave me crying no matter how much fun we have talking, and no matter how many times he tries to make certain I'm not angry. I still end up in tears after I hang up just because I'm still here alone, and I hate it more than I want to live. There. I said it. Fuck.

Why is it so goddamned hard for me to just find someone who wants to be with me, that I can tolerate?