Crazy Bitch Rant

OMG! The silence!

The SILENCE is going to EAT ME!

 

Well, not really. But it IS driving me insane. Insane-r. Yup.

I knew Tom and I talked a lot by email every day. I knew that, and I knew I'd miss it. I really thought some others would pick up the slack. Gah! I have to do work to stay distracted now! Thanks ya'll.

I think it's time to start working on editing some pieces for the book again. I'm also going to need some artwork for the cover. I have the image in my head, but I can't draw worth shit. Most the time anyway. I'm pretty much limited to cats and Veggie Tales characters.

See, 'Seph? If you'd stuck around, I'd have someone to talk to. But nooooooooo, I'm too CRAZY. Eh, fuck you. I KNOW I'm crazy, I'm actually addressing someone who doesn't even exist.

I am one costly bitch. That is for certain-sure. Perhaps that is part of the secret problem. I cost too much. The high cost of loving me is too great a price to pay. There's a new catchphrase for MySpace and Yahoo 360. Or perhaps it's more that my love comes at too high a cost. There's a nugget of truth there, elusive, hidden from me within those words. I don't have the patience to dig it out. Besides, lunch is over, and it's time to get back to work. How little can I do this afternoon? And how well can I drag it out, make it last and look like work?

 

I have cool new icons. Feel the JimLuv.  This one needs text - Wanna Break On Thru, To The Other Side? Fuck a Sagittarius, It's Outta This World

I love him more than I love myself. That's a sin, I think.

 

(no subject)

The cinema in my head

Is chaos

Images and soundtracks

Cris-cross through my mind

You gotta go... where you wanna go

Do... what you wanna do

With... whomever

You... wanna do it with

I am bewildered

How I could love such a face

Yet I cannot deny

My attraction

I sit, chin in hand

Drawn into whim

At slightest provocation

Sweet flaws flash before me

A faint scar

Yet I cringe at the thought

Of those flaws he despises in me.

My mother is far and above any other woman

But you know that, don't you?

Pacing caged lion

Solitary soul in a sparsely furnished room

Sitting with all that matters

Carefully arranged within reach.

Anita, I've been through SO MUCH!!

Will you take care of me?

Even now I break down

And sob at that memory

The feel of his skin against mine

As I pulled him close and whispered

Yes, yes yes yes

I want nothing more

I swear to you.

 

(no subject)

Thanks to ldy_dragonfly for pointing me in the direction of this song.

Alanis Morissette
You Owe Me Nothing In Return

Anybody have an mp3 of this? Know where I can get one? Or how? I have yet to download a decent mp3 program to my computer. But I must hear it.

Anybody?

Bueller?

I hope I have the strength to stay this course.

You Owe Me Nothing In Return
Alanis Morissette

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cuff up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return