AVAST!

AARRRGHHH! 

It's National Talk Like A Pirate Day!

So get'cher keel hauled, ye scurvy dawgs! I'll shiver ye timbers if ya LICK me BOOTY!

 

(no subject)

I have spent the day in turmoil. The tension in my chest has built from the beginning of the morning and now, at the end of the work day, I am nauseated and mentally spent.

How can I say I had a bad weekend, when my camera came back to me? I don't know. But it was bad. Perhaps I was sensing what today would bring; perhaps this week will continue in this stressful vein.

The knowledge that someone was thinking of me should have filled me with joy. There was an inner calm that stayed with me Saturday and Sunday, and I am grateful for that blessing. But this fear, that something will go awry, that interest will wane, that fates will succeed in acting against us, I can't shake it. Don't hate me because of this negativity that resides within me, please. Perhaps you can see it as residual illness, pain left behind from repeated disappointment, a broken cog in the mechanism that needs kind reassuring words and actions to repair and maintain the inner workings. That's a big job, that I think I'm supposed to perform myself. Perhaps those kind reassuring words and actions are merely the encouragement I need to actually do the work - my sustenance during my journey to wellness.

There are outside elements which are buffeting me, and I suspect these are the real reason for my fears. Situations involving politics which in turn affect my job; stressors regarding time constraints and orchestrating the safe arrival of my child at school and then again at home. The prospect of a visit to a mortgage company with my mother of all people in the middle of the week. The reminder once again that my independence is false in so many aspects - financial, familial, my mother IS my ONLY true support network. Everything else branches out from her. I did manage to determine that my aunt MIGHT care for Scarlett Friday night while I play angel for a few hours. If she follows through, my tension will ease. If she doesn't, or if some other element comes into play to affect my Friday plans, then the tension I feel now will be incomparable to the dead weight of pain I will carry in my chest.

Howard is gone for two weeks. He says he may email me from home when its safe, but I don't count on it. His life is so full when he is out of the office, and I wouldn't begrudge him that time. I may continue to email him while he's gone, because he is the one confidante to whom I can truly dump my soul. All others must needs be censored in some fashion. Even that dear man who loves me does not get the full brunt of my pain, not yet. I sense there may come a day when he will want that from me - when he will want my confidence, my secrets, my heart. I will wait patiently for that time, and concentrate on enjoying the creation of a friendship along the way toward love.

(no subject)

LJ Interests meme results

1. chinese food:
   ADORE IT! Hot and spicy, hot and sour, ginger and green onions in the soy sauce. mmmmmmmm
2. erotic:
   I am fascinated with what people consider erotic. And of course love most of it.
3. giving head:
   Duh! Its an art form, and I am a student, looking to master it.
4. intelligence:
   HUGE turn-on. I love men who bother to create the occasional complete sentence, without using 'u' or 'r' or numbers in their words. I prefer intelligence in my female friends as well.
5. liquor:
   Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm liquor, and removing it with my tongue from prone bodies.
6. music:
   Its on my list to provide a link for interest searches. I love music, as is clear from my regular lyrics posts. I don't love it all, but it can stir my soul and body as well as my mind.
7. rain:
   I love to sit outside in it, if its warm. I love to sit inside, wrapped in a quilt and watch it from the sofa if its cold. I also love to sit on a covered porch and feel it blow onto my skin. I'm a water baby.
8. simpsons:
   D'OH! They rock.
9. the simpsons:
   Hm. I guess its on there two different ways to facilitate searches. I might remove one, to give me a space for inserting something else.
10. you:
    Because you, my reader, intrigue me. I come to livejournal to read, as well as write.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.