mynewplace

SOOOO much to say.  I hope I can remember it all. 

First of all - GOD BLESS YOU to gymorama for my book, which arrived yesterday afternoon.  It is beautiful. I have been waffling between "how incredibly vain of me to think I could write something publish-worthy" and "OMGSQUEEBOOK!" for well over 18 hours.  It is much love. 

For all of you who danced naked - HURRAY!  It worked wonders.  Brent is contrite, properly horrified at his behavior, and currently fearful of repeating it.  ALL good things.  He LOVES the book.  He skimmed, and read, and re-read; cried a little, read out loud to me while I cried, read some more, called Jamie and read, then cried again.  He's such a mush-pot.  There is no wonder that he makes me crazy.  

Oh, and by the way? He has NOT been saying that he will "never" love me.  That is what I have been HEARING - and this is a common issue between us. We both have a tendency to hear meaning in words, facial expressions and other actions which is implied rather than intended. We work on this constantly. But I am QUITE pleased. When he says he doesn't love me, he means he doesn't love me NOW. And that doesn't mean forever. I can live with the possibility that it will never happen MUCH easier than with the absolute certainty.

My baby birds have left the nest.  They were sweet little critters, and were not around very long.  As I was locking my front door this morning, I heard a shocked gasp come from the yard, and when I turned - I looked straight into the eyes of a full size doe. She was NOT expecting to see me, and she had actually made the sound I heard.  We stared at one another for a moment while I said "OH! I'm so sorry I surprised you. You certainly are beautiful."  Then she bounded down over the hill into the brush.  She had a black mask over her face from her eyes down - I've never seen a marking like that on a deer before.  

I Fucking Hate It when a fast food joint gives me the wrong pop.  I ALWAYS order diet, and when I get regular, it makes me ill.  Too much sugar!  As a result I am trying to remove the skin from my face by pulling my hair.  Not working.  I wish I could throw up. 

Scarlett is at her friend's house - home from her trip. I am SO glad, and can't wait to talk to her.  She didn't have any meds this a.m., so she is mentally incapable of having a conversation on the phone. Thus I must wait until I get home to hear all about her trip.  You people think I'm exaggerating? I. Am. Not.  I'm not shitting you, she cannot get beyond   "Hello? Huh? Uhm..  Library?"  

My sleep study has been moved to tonight.  I don't know why I'm dreading it so, but my god I am.  I just Do.Not.Want. to do this. It was SUCH a pain in the ass last time, and the pain in the ass lasted for several months afterward, while I discussed options with the asshole doctor, got the machine, tried the machine, hated the machine, got sick from the machine, then finally too back the machine.  Do. Not. Want. Machine.   Fuckers. Leave me alone.

Okay. That's it. I am sick-to-puking over this damned pop, I NEED NO SUGAR!!!!