Sexity sex sex sex

[mynewplace]

Spawned by a post from warriorpriestthis morning:

Scarlett has been asking questions these last few days. For those new here, Scarlett is my newly 12-year-old daughter. I'm a single mom. She started by asking me about masturbation, or "pretend sex" as she calls it. We discussed the different parts of both genders, and what happens to a boy when he hits puberty compared to what happens to a girl when she hits puberty. It was an in-depth discussion and I was very satisfied with how it turned out. She seemed to be satisfied too.
 
Last night she mentioned that a female youth worker at her church had told her that men didn't get cursed with periods or stuff like that because then God would have to give them to Himself as well. While I was astounded at such a fabrication, I kept my cool and explained not only the various points of the curse, but that the curse on Eve never involved her periods. That these were a natural process of the body that likely took place well before they sinned. With that I started on the gender identity of God and Genesis 1:27, which says "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Her eyes widened as she tried to comprehend it.

I tried to make clear that no one can know everything about God. When she brought up that the Bible always refers to God as "He" I reminded her that the King James version was translated from the original Hebrew language. Some things were later found to be interpreted inaccurately or in a questionable manner. And just to get her mind going, I told her that some historians believe that King James was bisexual. That will give her pause and perhaps give her something to bring up the next time someone mentions the "correct" version of the Bible.
 
She started in again on sex this morning.
"How do boys masturbate?"
" Really?"
"That seems weird."
"Do they think about it all the time?"
(Lord help 'em, yes they do!)

No matter what she learns in her fundamental Baptist church, she respects my knowledge and comes to me for clarification. I took a moment to remind her that she should always come to me when one of her friends tells her something "factual" about sex. That I could always clear up any questions, or tell her the truth about what she's heard. I feel so privileged that she's allowed me to discuss this with her.

Comments

[padiwack.livejournal.com]

Good job, Momma! :-)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thanks.

[dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com]

How great that you have these talks with her, and that she comes to you.

The lies people tell about sex and religion always make my brain hurt....

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I'm usually amazed at the misinformation regarding sex, but amazed at the fantastic myths people come up with regarding religion.

[alfabet126.livejournal.com]

Wow. Great job. Sounds like you had a very good, informative discussion.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I felt like it was. We laughed some, which tells me that she was paying attention.

[el-jefe59.livejournal.com]

It's good that you are being open and honest with her!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I don't want her to get her information from her grandma, that's for sure.

[anita-margarita.livejournal.com]

Way to go, mom. Most kids won't discuss sex with their parents, no matter what. Obviously you're doing quite a bit right!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I hope so!

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

Way to go! We need more parents giving good advice on sexuality. Scarlet will be very comfortable talking about this "touchy" subject with you. You are doing a wonderful job in raising a girl who will become a woamn with healthy body images as well as good sexual understanding. Boo to the church lady who says women are cursed!

~blink~

[fluxi.livejournal.com]

go you! I'm not certain how I will approach either discussion.

I am SO not ready for that (THE SEX) discussion. My son is 10. My daughters are 4 and 3.

God discussion, in some ways will be far more interesting considering my varied and mixed belief system. Could get interesting.

Re: ~blink~

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

With Scarlett, we started talking about her body around 3. By the time she was four, a little boy in her preschool class told her that boobies were for squeezing, and demonstrated. She laughed, because it tickled, and that night in the bathtub we established good touch and bad touch.

By the time she was seven, she had older friends who started talking about "sax". That's when I had to start, and probably why she's cool with it now.

All this to say, best start thinking about it.

Re: ~blink~

[fluxi.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I have been thinking about. Thus far, I have discussed with all the children that their bodies are their own. No one has the right to touch you in ANY WAY that makes you uncomfortable, at any time, for any reason.

I also tell them that they can ALWAYS come to me, about anything/anytime. I refer to body parts by their actual names. Vagina. Penis.

Occasionally, the phrase "IT'S NOT A POCKET!" has popped up. Accompanied by, "It won't disappear if you stop touching it." LOL.

Perhaps, the uncomfortable discussion will be more about relationships and dating; as opposed to sex and its mechanics.

Clinical explanations for things are much easier than the more convoluted aspects that involve emotions, etc.

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

Masturbation is real sex! :-)

I think you did a fine job, Anita. But honestly, we don't think about it all the time. Only most of the time.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

But when you were 12?

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

When I was 12, I thought about it a lot, but I loved school too much to have thought about it all the time. Yes, I'm a dyed in the wool nerd.
:-)

[retro-rider55.livejournal.com]

I would not want to be 14/15 again; I don't know how I accomplished anything in any of my classes.

[heart-songs.livejournal.com]

awesome job mama!

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thanks sugar!

[crazyinflorida.livejournal.com]

Way to go! My son is ten and already asking questions also. I wish my mom was so open as you are.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I wish my mom had been that open too. Of course, what little she told me made me realize even in junior high school that she and I would never agree about sex. The one thing she said that stuck with me most was "You even have to have sex when you don't want to, and sometimes it hurts."