Oh Gregory. Dang you for making me think! Karmically, doing what is 'right' is more important. In the past with other relationships, I have been trying to be a 'bigger' person. Doing little things with him that make me happy is one thing. But those little things just make me crave more, bigger things.
As of this moment, I am never emailing him again. All I can do is repeatedly resolve to let him be. Then fight myself while I feel that pull, and try my damnedest to separate myself mentally. All the while hearing the argument in my head that 'he will never be free' and 'Todd will never be him' and 'I want that mental connection'. But its too bad, I can't have him, so I'll just have to WAIT dammit! And maybe Todd can blank my mind enough that I can push him aside.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 09:00 pm (UTC)As of this moment, I am never emailing him again. All I can do is repeatedly resolve to let him be. Then fight myself while I feel that pull, and try my damnedest to separate myself mentally. All the while hearing the argument in my head that 'he will never be free' and 'Todd will never be him' and 'I want that mental connection'. But its too bad, I can't have him, so I'll just have to WAIT dammit! And maybe Todd can blank my mind enough that I can push him aside.
But that's just as of this moment.