(no subject)

[mynewplace]

Questions to anyone who reads this journal, even in passing: 

Have you ever been so out of control that someone had to come along and intervene?

Have you ever KNOWN anyone who was so out of control that YOU had to intervene?

Not just out of control on alcohol, or drugs. Perhaps so depressed that they were suicidal.

I have been in that place - where I was so depressed I couldn't bear to think of living any more. But the memory is fuzzy, and I knew I had my mother to help me once I got to that point. I do recall a particular friend also insisting that I talk to my doctor.

But this time I'm the friend. And while I have an idea being birthed in my head, I am not certain about the specifics. I'm a list maker by nature, and have a tendency to be a stickler for rules if I MAKE THEM. Okay, not all the time, I bend my own rules, but i've got agreements and lists of demands and Nazi-type lifestyle commandeering ideas running around in my brain and I don't know what is logical and what is over the top. 

I will make these decisions with the help of my friend Pavanne. And I will not discuss them in much detail here, because as I said, I'm the friend, not the troubled person. 

But I'm asking for your input, good readers. Tell me what you know about this type of situation.

Comments

[cementpants.livejournal.com]

I've tried to intervene on someone's behalf once. It didn't go so well. But then, that was a loooooong time ago.

Unfortunately, I tend to be a bit too blunt and caustic for people to take well.

I hope everything turns out alright though.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well you know me, I can be pretty caustic too. Thanks Lisa, I really hope some others will join me on this so I'm not the only bad guy.

[kokopelleigh.livejournal.com]

hello. bad guy, right here. you can never predict peoples' reactions. however, all you can do is be honest and let them know you care about them enough to want them to get help. (i'm a firm believer in the 'if i died today, everyone in my life would know how i felt about them' philosophy.) at least you'll sleep at night knowing you spoke your mind. especially if they present an immediate danger to themselves - caustic be damned, if suicide is a real, present possibility? two words: mental.hygeine. call the authorities. if they won't get help, they'll make them get help. other than that...
maybe garner some support on your part? a united front? *sometimes* if more than one person acts/says something, it comes off as more believeable and they're less likely to brush it off.

i don't have the slightest idea who you're talking about, or what the situation is, but i hope things work out.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thanks Leigh. I do worry about becoming the 'bad guy' down the line, but the conversation I had on the phone last night scared me. And I am going to try and remember that when or if I become that 'bad guy'.

I am hoping to indeed garner some support from his other family or friends. My trouble is right now, I don't know them. He's going to have to introduce me, and that is going to be VERY difficult for him.

[el-jefe59.livejournal.com]

It's good to want to help somebody but of course they can only be helped if they want to be helped. That's what you have to remember. I'd say keep that in mind and try to help anyway and if things don't work out, don't blame yourself.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Right. Exactly.

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

as I said privately, it really needs to be a disinterested 3rd party that does the intervention. The best thing for a friend to do is to get them into that program and let the professionals handle it.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm sure you're right. I'm going to do what I can, though.

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

of course. You need to do it and I understand that.

[ke5egi.livejournal.com]

I have intervene on someone's behalf and even though things turned out good, I'm not the right person to try and talk to people for at the wrong place/wrong time/wrong words I will screw things up. I can be TOO blunt at times.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well you can't be much more blunt than me. Fortunately it's one of the traits he respects in me.

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

I've intervened with out of control people. I won't go into details, but one incident involved calling an ambulance, another involved grabbing the person (who was shaken, but not dangerous), and a third involved calming them down as best I could.

Every experience was at least disconcerting, but I did my best to stay cool and collected, and ward off panic. It wasn't easy; I really had to focus hard on the person I was trying to help.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thank you Noah! That's something I'm going to have to keep in mind, especially in this case. I have to stay focused on the task at hand.

[jessfromva.livejournal.com]

I've been in a situation where I wish someone had stepped in and helped me. No one in my life seemed to care, it took a random girl that found me crying in the bathroom one day caring enough to walk me to the counceling center on campus for me to finally get help.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thank you Jess. That means a LOT to me, to know it made a difference for you. Kinda gives me the courage to do it.

[jessfromva.livejournal.com]

I think regardless of the situation your in you finally get to the point you can't handle it anymore. You hit that rock bottom, and often times at that point you aren't strong enough to fix things yourself.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

That's exactly the point. And that's somewhere that both Pavanne and I have been before. We've had people say to us "Pull yourself together!" but the fact is it's not possible, and I know it's not possible for him either. He's begging me to do this, and if I lose his friendship in the process, then that's just the way it will have to be.

Not everyone is grateful afterward.

[covertamerican.livejournal.com]

So far I've been taught to take EVERY suicide cry as a plea for help and if they're truly acting out of control, call the authorities.

At the end of the day, those are the only people who can truly help them if they are indeed serious about trying to harm themselves.

If the person doesn't like it when it's all said and done, you can still live with yourself knowing you did the right thing.

Just my 2 cents hon.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Very good point. I consider this a legitimate suicidal ideation, even if he's talking about doing it 20 years down the road. The plan is to go to his house, make him call his mother and at least one other friend and tell each of them that he is going to get help on Monday. That way he will be accountable to them as well as to me.

[lazydaize.livejournal.com]

Just my penny's worth of thought, don't do it by yourself. Have a second person as a witness and support in case things go badly. Then call the authorities to force the help on him so he can't deny it if things go very wrong. I do know that if it is between a husband and wife, it is best to stay out of it.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

It's not. He's not married. I can't really force him to do this, all I can do is tell him what I think, and what he already knows.

[retro-rider55.livejournal.com]

I would think that about ten years of parenting have given you some insight as to effectively letting someone know what's good for them, like it or know, even though this is an adult, not a child, the principle's the same. You seem strong enough, hon; you've been there yourself, as you said. Good luck (hugs)

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

I was in an out of control situation at some point... I had cut off my self from everybody, I was heavily depressed and one day I found my self sitting in a London Underground station, crying and wishing to find the courage to throw my self in front of the next train that was coming and die. Fortunately, a stranger stopped me and talked to me... I don't remember what she said I don't remember what I replied, I was in a daze, but she definitely saved my life.

Talk to that person, see how serious things are, and I think that the decision of what to do next will come on its own.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thanks Val. I do appreciate you opening up on this subject.

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

I know that these things are very serious and a lot of times the people that want to help feel quite helpless, so if I manged to help you in any way I am very glad that I did so. I think that it was the least I could do.

[nemecic.livejournal.com]

*managed*

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

I had a nice long talk with him Sunday night, into Monday morning. But I don't know how much good it will do. I'm not even sure I care right now.