(no subject)

[mynewplace]

FRIDAY

I cut into a pomogranate, and took a piece to Scarlett. I popped a seed into her mouth, and told her to ignore the bit in the middle. Of course she loved it, and sat there biting the rubies until sparkling juice was running down her chin. I watched, dazzled at the clarity, the pure redness that is so rare. I smiled, and thought of Peagan. I talked with him briefly. He was subdued, surprised to see me I'm sure. And even more surprised that he didn't have an opportunity to approach me, I pounced on him with the ferocity of Ming strung out on catnip. He was surprisingly sweet. And even more surprisingly, I was sweet back, offering him my psychic services with a clarity and accuracy that astounded me. He said "God I love you" and I felt a crooked smile play across my face, but that was all I felt. I told him "declarations of love are always welcome, though viewed with a bit of skepticism. I've been burned a lot this summer." Talking with him, then being reminded by something as simple as a pomogranate, made me long for my innocence. I wish I were that person I was when I met him, unjaded yet worldly-wise, as yet unscarred. Even the pain he put me through was minor in comparison. And I thought I'd die with it. Almost makes me wish I could go back to fantasy land, back where I knew that someone so perfect didn't really exist, was merely a figment of our combined imaginations. But then, had I stayed there and not experienced the reality that was the petulant god-like one, I would never have come to know myself so intimately, this creature within who aches for nothing more than to be possessed and cherished.

Thus, here I sit on Saturday morning, eating the last of the pomogranate and writing what I think for all of you to see. I'm glad I have you. And I'm grateful for this blog, for I can see that it may well save my sanity in this months I dread that lie ahead. Its nice to have a place to do some self-analyzation, lay it out for others to see, and feel validated by their response. And just as importantly, its nice to have a place where I can see what other people are thinking, and not spend hours turned within myself until I'm blinded, unable to find the way back out into the world.

Comments

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Don't worry... be happy... *whistles that little whistley part of the song*

Cheering up is definately a good thing. I was a cranky little thing but then I took a 2 hour nap. Now I'm a bit happier. I'm sure eating something before that helped too.

*yawn*

I kind of want to go back to sleep. lol. I'm like a cat, I swear.

Ok. Here are the assignments

You: Cheer Up.

Me: Eat food, drop off paperwork at work, watch Rainman for English and write a paper on it, and study for math.

See, you just cheer up. :) (though I'm sure you have your own little list of things to do... but at least it's probably not studying for a math class that you will probably fail anyways)

Wow. I'm rambling. A lot. See, comment whoring, again. And I ramble! (still doing it)

End.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well, wings are coming. So perhaps that will help. mmmmmm bluecheese...

Yeah, definitely time for Wopner.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Apparently I will understand the whole Wopner thing after watching the movie. Master said something about that last night. lol.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

LMFAO! Yes, you'll understand....

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

eh, turns out I'm not watching it after all.

So, that paper isn't being written because...

I'm failing english to the point of no return. Blah. Oh well. It will all be ok eventually.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Oh Lexie - please don't give up. Maybe you're just depressed because of the earlier bit with Steve. I bet you aren't doing as badly in English as you think, and you're just over-reacting to your emotional state. I know you're getting some rest right now, maybe you can think about it more clearly tomorrow. Is there a specific theme your professor wants you to discuss in this paper? Perhaps some of us can help you get it figured out.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

ah, no sleep for me.

and yes, I am doing that badly. I've gotten D's on all of the other papers, and this one was worth 20% of my grade. I've gone in and averaged everything out. Even if I get 100% on the next 2 papers, I only end up with a 65%. In college, that's not passing.

But it's not the end of the world. I'm doing a lot better than I was earlier.

I just need to get my shit together. I'm taking next semester off anyways, because of moving in with Master and all, and wanting to visit him and such. So, I will be able to get my stuff straightened out by then.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Well you sound a lot more rational, at least. So I'm relieved. And I can certainly understand what you mean, I'd be inclined to walk away and just say 'fuckit' at this point, I have to admit.

[o0twisted0o.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I put the paper and his comments in my LJ.

When you see what I did you'll just be like, "dude, are you illiterate?"

Apparently I basically just didn't follow guidelines, at all.

Yeah, if you read that entry, you'll understand. I either didn't pay close enough attention to directions, or he's lying, because I don't think that guideline was in the assignment.

Anyways... lol.