Wednesday

siiiiiiiiiiiiigh

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070515/lf_nm/books_potter_dc_2

How'm I ever gonna keep my head in the sand long enough to read the damned thing without spoilers?  I am already sad that the series is coming to an end. I get this little empty feeling in my gut when I think about "no more Potter after July".  I still have the movies to look forward to, I know, but the books are SO FAR superior to the movies that it's no consolation.  

My brain is scattering today - ovulation has set in. Am definitely looking forward to my after-work romp.  

I'm trying to get Scarlett's summer calendar together, but can't seem to commit to anything. I'd like to know where I'm going to be living this summer, without that information day care still hangs in the realm of possibility.  Mom is saying she wants to keep Scarlett most the summer,  and that's probably what will have to happen in order for me to afford to move; but I am still convinced that Mom is not up to the task this year.  WIth my cousin Cheryl back home she will be able to help, because her son Joey and Scarlett get along well, and Cheryl doesn't have a job yet.  The kids are at an age where they kinda take care of themselves but mom likes to stick her nose into arguments, plus Joey's 3 years older than Scarlett and sometimes his movies and games are inappropriate for her age level. SOoooooooooooofuckingmuch to think about. How am I ever going to find time to think about work? 

Well, I need to at least try.  I've got to call Courtney today about lunch, better call soon. It's already ten.

No surprise

No dice on the mobile home purchase. My mother has my step-sister
looking for a repo, and has implied they would help with a loan for that
purchase. I'm pretty damned picky, and a repo is likely to have some
problems, not the least of which will be location.

No clue what comes next. It appears I'll be more seriously considering
a home in South Charleston now. I hate to do that to Scarlett, but my
options are dwindling. Things will unfold in their own time. I've filed
bankruptcy before, I guess it isn't unthinkable that I could file again.
A Chapter 13 just in time for my salary increase July 1 would milk me
dry.

How motivated?

I'm not motivated enough to qualify for my insurance weight loss
program.

Ha.

No shit.

Why would I be motivated? WHY would I want to change the way I eat,
when food is one of few true pleasures in my life? WHY would I take the
time to exercise, when my life already is so rushed? I have very little
interest in improving myself any more.

When I think about it, all I want to do is cry and go to bed. I did so
well before, when I was looking for love and better able to ignore my
physical pain. When I had something else to think about besides food. I
can't quite figure that out. I mean, I have LOADS of shit on my mind
these days, but nothing seems to have resolution. Thus I'm more inclined
to eat, as a coping mechanism, to soothe my nerves. Before, there were
many possibilities for resolution of my search for love, and I was less
inclined to eat, and cherished my nervousness, pulled it around me like
a blanket and felt smug within it.

What a difference a year makes.