(no subject)

I had a date last night.

I broke it.

I called Mac at 3:30 to ask him when we were going, and it's a good thing. I'm not certain he would have even bothered to TELL me what time he was picking me up if I hadn't called and asked. Didn't realize 3:30 was kickoff for the 'big game', so I left a message and he called me back at four. He told me he had decided we'd go to the late movie, and he'd pick me up at around nine. For some reason that really pissed me off.  I knew he wanted to come over after the movie, I'd promised to take some pictures of him for his profile but I also knew that he was going to expect 'more'. And I really am not ready to give him that right now.

So Brent called me at halftime to make sure we were still on for Sunday, and chat a bit. We talked for a while, and he asked me to come over.  I said no, that I had a date, but we got to talking about the whole "nine p.m." business and how uncomfortable I felt with it. He thought it seemed inconsiderate. I called Pavanne, for a third opinion, and she agreed.  So I cancelled the movie.

And went to Brent's instead.

 

Waaaaaay better than a movie.  And I'm still going to see one this afternoon.

I might still go out with Mac later, I don't know yet. I do need attention on a regular basis.  I can't ask for it from Brent, but Jack can give it to me once in a while. I just don't know. But I don't have to decide right now! Right now I need to take a nap and get in the shower.  MOVIE!! YAY!

(no subject)

There are two of you who read this who will remember, and understand how important this is to me.

The rest of you can read it and rejoice in the knowledge that my heart DOES heal when it's broken, even though it seems impossible at the time.

There was a time when this journal was young that I couldn't listen to anything by U2 without thinking of Joseph, the man who gave me the seeds of self esteem - the seeds that currently stand as a fragile sapling in my psyche.

And there was a time two years ago when I couldn't bear to hear anything by U2 without sobbing so hard I had to pull the car over, because he was gone from my life and will never return.

I heard "With Or Without You" last night on my way to Brent's.  I didn't even realize what I was hearing until the song was halfway over.

And I never blinked an eye.