Scarlett

I'm trying really hard not to be too sentimental. It's not really in my nature, when it comes to my child. I'm a pragmatic mom, who has relished my free weekends, and the occasional free week during the summer months when my child went to her 'mawmaw's'. Well, last year she spent the whole summer at her 'mawmaw's', and weekends with me. It saved me beaucoup money in day care expenses, gave me some sex time, and made me appreciate the child more, which was a desperately needed shift in attitude. 

This year, I'll be sharing weekends with her dad. NOT a pleasant prospect. 

Oh, I suppose I could try and find a day care, and keep her at home this summer, but between church camp, and music camp and two weeks of swimming lessons, a pool in my parents back yard, and a town full of cousins and friends, how can I opt instead to pay someone to watch her every day from eight to five? No one would ensure that she eats properly - which is a huge issue because of her ADHD and medication, and the costs are prohibitive. Plus I'd be pulling her out at least one week every month, or two, for these other things she's going to do. No dragging her out of bed in the morning, no dealing with getting her ready along with me, no worries about cooking dinner at night or getting off work in time to prevent overtime charges. Day care just doesn't offer as much as Mawmaw-care does. 

So I'm fairly certain that sending her to mom's is the right thing. And I know that she'll want to see her dad on occasion. He would see her almost every weekend, if his job permitted. He'll probably want to do something with her one week during the summer. And I want to go to the beach this summer, with my sister. So she'll be mine for that. But I've never had this feeling of "missing her" before. And I'm not sure what to do with it. I keep reminding myself that I'll be free to fuck around a lot more, and her room will stay clean, and all those other things that are benefits to living alone, I keep trying to remind myself of those, 

and it's not WORKING! 

Dammit! 

My kid will be ten years old at the end of this summer, and for the first time in her life, I'm REALLY going to miss her! 

I don't like this feeling. 

Not one bit.

In case you EVER WONDER WHY I HAVE MOOD SWINGS

I have been contacted on MySpace, with a follow-up in my personal email, by a headhunter who works for Walt Disney Feature Casting.

From: Planet
Date: May 23, 2006 12:32 PM

My name is Janet and I work for Walt Disney Feature Casting. We are currently casting a film for Miramax & we are still looking for this role of 'Roberta'. This is a difficult role to find, as it is very specific. We are moving very fast.

The film shoots in Boston. We are located in LA. Where are you located? Would you be interested in auditioning for it?

Please get back to me as soon as possible. You can e-mail me at Janet.xxxx@Disney.com.  (email edited for privacy)


Thank you,
Janet

PEOPLE!! SHE'S NOT SHITTING ME!!! SHE SENT ME SIDE LINES AND A SCRIPT AND INFORMATION FROM A CASTING CALL!!!!  

Now, Cons:

1 - an audition tape does not guarantee a part. 
2 - The part calls for a huge woman, 'shoulders like a bank vault'; '6 feet tall, 330+ pounds'; 'intimidating' body type and personality; 'small goatee' 'unattractive' all of which freaks me out
3 - I hate myself on video
4 - I don't know how to do a Boston accent, and while I've been known to speak without an accent before, I'm not certain I can drop it on command
5 - I'm scared shitless
6 - Ben Affleck doesn't direct hit movies
7 - I don't know if I could get off work for filming if I were accepted for the part

Pros:
1 - an audition tape will be seen by people who might think I'm appropriate for a role in some OTHER film
2 - OMG! AN AUDITION TAPE!
3 - Just because I'd be ugly in the film doesn't mean I'd have to be ugly at the premiere
4 - Affleck is married to Jen Garner, who GREW UP IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!
5 - I'm flattered half out of my mind until I realize she was looking for somebody ugly for the part
6 - They would fly me to Boston for filming if I got the part