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Back At Work
Apr. 24th, 2006 02:18 pmI'm kind of glad to be back at work, but not. I am sliding into some kind of lethargy. I'm sick of this part of my life. I didn't feel much of anything this morning, following Brent in to work. Just a need to avoid looking at his car for too long. I saw a book I wanted to buy for him at Hot Topic over the weekend, but I didn't buy it. So that's good, right? Maybe I AM "making peace" by pulling away. He doesn't need to be reminded that I love him. That would only rile him up.
And maybe I don't love him. Maybe all those things about him are just 'things'. Personality traits and bits of soul that I can live without.
Passion is over-rated. I'll stick with quiet calm and boring. I don't want to be stirred up any more. I used to miss it, when my adrenaline levels dropped. I used to crave the burn. But this lethargy requires almost no effort. And that's nice.
I tried to straighten my hair today, and my hair dryer blew up. I ironed it, but then it fluffed out. So I just went it down again, and came to work. I will probably try it again in a few days, but if it gets frizzy again, I won't try a third time. It's not worth the mood swing I go through.
Pavanne's book career is really taking off. She is thinking even more seriously about investing in the abandoned resort in Martinique. And she's starting to wish out loud that I was available to travel with her, to Nova Scotia, to the book fair, to Beaufort. I wish I could, too, but my schedule won't permit much, and my budget will permit even less. I've got to pay LOTS of bills with this money I received from Jeff. I can't throw $1000 at the book fair. Just can't. I wish I could.
And maybe I don't love him. Maybe all those things about him are just 'things'. Personality traits and bits of soul that I can live without.
Passion is over-rated. I'll stick with quiet calm and boring. I don't want to be stirred up any more. I used to miss it, when my adrenaline levels dropped. I used to crave the burn. But this lethargy requires almost no effort. And that's nice.
I tried to straighten my hair today, and my hair dryer blew up. I ironed it, but then it fluffed out. So I just went it down again, and came to work. I will probably try it again in a few days, but if it gets frizzy again, I won't try a third time. It's not worth the mood swing I go through.
Pavanne's book career is really taking off. She is thinking even more seriously about investing in the abandoned resort in Martinique. And she's starting to wish out loud that I was available to travel with her, to Nova Scotia, to the book fair, to Beaufort. I wish I could, too, but my schedule won't permit much, and my budget will permit even less. I've got to pay LOTS of bills with this money I received from Jeff. I can't throw $1000 at the book fair. Just can't. I wish I could.
