(no subject)

The tired feeling won't go away. Doesn't help that I was up late last night with Jennifer and the girls.

There's no sun this morning. I miss it when it's gone.

I need to relax, and get some attention. But every attempt falls flat after just a few words. My enthusiasm is waning for the men who are available to me. I don't have it in me to try very hard with them. I think they might sense my lack of enthusiasm. I can't seem to help it, I'm feeling very needy - I need to be held and petted, and made over, and none of them are up to the task.

My body is protesting the lack of sex, in ways that I can't ignore. Pain in my neck and upper back, stiffness in the muscles and joints of my legs, and that overwhelming sense of exhaustion are voices clamoring, growing louder in my head. This isn't the kind of pain that artifical equipment can alleviate. I hate to think I'll have to hit my stash again this weekend, but it appears that might be my only alternative. That or bumming codeine off of mom. Something's got to give, I've lost my focus, the laundry is piling up and there are meds to be bought, groceries that can't be afforded, extensive running that needs to be done this weekend. I need a fall-back plan for relaxation, and as yet I have none.

Solitary consolation - I'm off Monday. Even that has its fucked side, as Scarlett must go to school Monday, but is off Friday. Nothing looks easy for the next ten days. Just writing that helps me take a deep breath. T will be online in an hour. That will help. I'd better try and get some things done.

Hey! I got some cool new icons! lol