The update from hell

And Then Some
by T.C. Smythe

I'll give you everything I've got
I hope that's everything you need
But if it's not
I'll give you everything I've got
And then some

Now I oughtta know what you don't need
You don't need me hangin' round
But if you call me
I'll come around
And wheel ya down
And then some

I'll take your blues away
And change your nights to day
Oh don't take your love away
Oooh, baby you're so good
I'd give you more, if I only could.

And tonight, when we're makin' love
I'll be your angel from above
And I'll give you everything I'm capable of
And then some.

Some one sent me the .wav file of this song a little over a year ago. Who it was doesn't matter any more. What matters is it still fits me like a glove. Even though that wasn't why he sent it.

Tony called, he downloaded the software onto his computer, and the camera won't work. No pictures. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a couple options, I guess. If the receipt is in the box, I'll try again to take it back to WalMart. If they won't take it back, or I don't have the receipt, I'll try to sell it on Ebay.

I could try and buy a memory card and download the pics onto the card, then into the computer. But I'm getting a little bit too obsessive about those pictures, I think. As bad as I want them, as much as I like them, I'm afraid I've got to let them go. If I don't think too hard about it, it doesn't break me quite so much. Good ole' Scarlett O'Hara mentality.

This song is from an as yet unnamed band in Cleveland. The guitar work is breathtaking, in my humble opinion.

I'm Here
LoveX 

I've cursed my love many times
Familiar with disdain
If passing love, had let me down
I buried the shame

I feel no pain
Only blame
Though its hard for me to show 
I want you near
That is why 
I am here

Underneath
I'm trying hard
To be a better man
One whose moves
Are less confused
Or driven by chance

It's too late
To turn back now
There's far too many questions
It could be that
I'm headin' down
That same old road

again

again

again................

I can't resist
The perfect line
Created in her face
Help me God
To never fail
Or fall from her grace

I'm off to meet a new man. Love me, people. Because I love you.

(no subject)

It's a quiet evening, and she isn't looking forward to spending it alone. His invitation is welcome, but there's a nagging discomfort that echoes inside her. She dresses, and spends thirty minutes behind the wheel, wondering how much time she will need to spend with this man. He's forty-seven, and single; she reminds herself that he could be a long term prospect.

He showers and shaves, kisses his wife's cheek and climbs into his car. Forty minutes fly by as nervous fingers drum the steering wheel to the wail of a steel guitar.

She smiles sweetly at the first sight of blue eyes beneath his ball cap. She immediately sees the pain in his face, and her resolve softens as she climbs into his car. Her heart aches as his voice starts to break, but the hint of grief passes while they plan the evening. She expresses surprise to see that he's married, and his voice deepens, cracks again as he speaks volumes with sparse words. He has his wife's permission to be there this evening. He wants to drink, but she will be driving back home. Should they get a room or go to a bar? Another wave of empathic pain sweeps her at his next words.

"Did I tell you I lost my dad? Yeah, just a month ago, I'd been caring for him for four years...."

She's suddenly decisive, and they get a room. She knows the best relief for this particular need. She also knows he'll want to talk, after sex empties his emotional reservoir, and she tries not to think of herself as a psychologist.

He's pliant and agile, rough and assertive. His skill makes her smile, even as she winces. Her mind tries to reconcile the age on the man's profile and the age of the man in the bed. He mentions his time in Viet Nam and confirms her suspicions, but there's no confrontation. It's pointless to force the truth from him, because she just doesn't care. She lies sated while he drapes an arm across her waist. His words are filled with pride in hard work, his grandchildren, not so much when he speaks of his children. Images of a dark head crowd her mind's eye, she can't shake him even here. It makes her realize she's incapable of providing the comfort this gray haired man needs. He whispers again that she could spend the night, but she slowly shakes her head. She has a million reasons, but voices none. Her silence becomes more pronounced, she can find nothing in her head worth speaking aloud. His breathing relaxes, deepens, and she glances at the clock. She forces her mind to quiet while she watches the hour come to an end.

He awakens when she leaves his arms, and she dresses in silence. She wraps soft warm arms around his chest as he kisses her goodbye and she whispers "thank you" into his neck.

She is barely five miles down the road before the tears start. Tears of shame that she couldn't be sweeter, that she couldn't hold him and soothe his aching heart a moment longer.

He sits naked on the bed, head in hand, long after she closes the door.