mynewplace

Bloody Hell!

Okay, my life has been suckage for a week or more. I can't remember the last time I told ya'll anything of any import. I don't even know where to start.

My child has gained 40 pounds since she changed medications after school let out this summer.

Wait, let me say it again.

F-O-R-T-Y P-O-U-N-D-SSSSSSSSSSS

In three months. She's miserable because she is hungry ALL-THE-FUCKING-TIME. She can't get enough, she is hiding food because my mother and I have been nagging her all summer to cut back and slow down, and she's also hiding the signs that she's eaten extra because she's afraid my mother will spank her if she finds out. Now before we go into an uproar here, NO. My mother has NEVER spanked Scarlett because she ate something. That's not even an OPTION in our house or theirs. But Scarlett has developed this fear of my mother based on the spanking she used to do when Scarlett was smaller, and thus the child lives in fear most of the time. This is really screwing with me mentally because not only do I have my own mother issues, now my daughter has them with the same woman, and look at how many years of therapy I had before I started getting straightened out. My salvation is that I'm not only a strong advocate of child therapy, I'm also always on the lookout for my mother's negative behaviors and for ways to stop them or offset them or at least give Scarlett some mental massaging to alleviate them.

Suffice it to say that I will be having another long talk with her therapist next week. Would have today but they left before noon.

Scarlett's sick this week with a nasty cold and maybe strep throat. Makes her birthday suck, and made mine kinda suck too. She's at mom's, working on her homework until I can get there and take her back to my house for the weekend. Poor poor thing. I let her stay at home alone Wednesday, but then she started throwing up and she had to go where someone could be with her all the time.

Okay, I think that's all the Scarlett issues, because the money problems related to her birthday are going to work themselves out for the most part, I'm certain. We'll go do something fun the next weekend that she feels good, and we're going to get Leigh and Laine to learn calligraphy with us next Thursday evening.

Now. Me. I had fried ice cream with lunch yesterday because it was my birthday. Then I had serious abdominal pain and other attendant issues all afternoon. I was in so much abdominal pain by yesterday evening that I didn't eat dinner, had trouble getting around at night to go to the bathroom, etc. And this morning?? OMG. OH. EM. GEE. The pain is more than I can normally stand with any stoicism. Being a woman, of course, I can stand more abdominal pain than most men who know me. But this had me whimpering every time I took a step or hit a bump in my car. Breakfast didn't help, Diet Coke almost set me on fire, and lunch was unfinished.

I am in hell. Won't you join me? /smartassery

After seeing a post on almsthvn 's journal yesterday I watched 102 Minutes That Changed America last night. I found it very mentally satisfying to experience things there on the street, with the residents of NYC. It answered a lot of the "Wonder what it was like?" questions I've had over the last several years. It was heartwrenching and sobering, and I'm glad I watched it.

Seems like there have been other things lately that I haven't mentioned here. Well, for every two steps forward Brent makes, he makes a step back. The alcoholic (whom I have started to see as a separate personality within him) doesn't like me, and doesn't want me around because I don't baby the alcoholic any more. I don't listen anymore when it rambles into incoherency, I just tell it I'm tired of talking and hang up the phone. I don't pull on Bren'ts arm or try to help him get to the bathroom or to the bed - I just go without him. (and usually throw in a couple of "Fuck you!" or "Fuck this!"s for good measure)

We have been looking at condos, but not seriously. We don't have a realtor or anything yet, we're just browsing. I told him if we bought something, I'd move in with him until we got married. I've stressed that this would not be a LONG period of time, that I would want to be married before a judge and save a lot of money if we did the house thing. If we do the RING thing, then I'll do a ceremony and we'll find a place to rent or something. Thus we still have no definite plans, and it appears we have no plans to make any. I have been fairly okay with this indecision until the last 24 hours or so. That feeling will likely grow into dissatisfaction within a few days. That's how it always seems to work.

Well I thought there might be more, but my stomach she doth protest. I must move or get up or something. painpainpainpain