Monday

[mynewplace]

I weighed myself for the first time in over a year.   I've regained every pound I lost when my job was first moved to this office.  I'm back at that weight that is too appalling for me to even say out loud. I am so goddamned angry I could spit.  

I hope I'm goddamned angry enough to do the right thing for a change.  Walking, despite the pain; salads, salt and soda elimination. Back to caffeine pills, water, and iced tea.  I miss walking to and from lunch. Guess I'll start walking around the building or something.

Comments

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

The only way I got proactive about changing my weight issues was to begin by stating my weight. You don't have to do it here, but you ought to at least say it out loud to yourself, to make it real, to make it tangible. Trust me. I know this.

*HUGS*

[padiwack.livejournal.com]

I have to channel that anger. I walk almost every morning, as you know. What you don't know (and I don't post about it) is that I often start out cussing and spitting at the beginning. I hate having to do it, but I know I need to do it FOR MYSELF.
When I first started, I got winded after the first block. Everything hurt! But slowly, as time went by (and I continued to FORCE myself) I started to feel and notice the changes. Some days, I may walk just a half mile, some days 4 miles. I mix it up and vary the route. But I still cuss and bitch at the beginning!

Throw out that damned scale...all they do is give you a number, and it never helped ME any to know that number!

[blue-leaf.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, I feel fat too. It is not being my friend and I am not losing. In fact I gained 4 pounds since last month, agh!
Good luck dear. HUGS John.

[amian.livejournal.com]

Having nearly wept with horror at the number on the scale many times myself, I just wanted to give you a *hug*. Hopefully you can get back to a healthier place for yourself soon.

[gymorama.livejournal.com]

I am down about 10 pounds since New years It seems (depending on what day I weigh myself) but I'm not as low as I was the week BEFORE Christmas yet and I am having a problems breaking through a zero ending number at the moment. It was Much easier to put it on. I put on 15+ pounds over the two weeks at Christmas and I didn't even enjoy the crap I was shovelling in my mouth.

I'm with you. I am the heaviest I've ever been, but it is slowly coming off. But it is frustrating. Hang in there.

[reallyamermaid.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't you work downtown or at least near downtown? I love to walk. I really like the walking path down on the lower level next to the river. I can't ever seem to get anyone to go with me. I would seriously like to go walking with you after work. Walking's a great exercise that doesn't stress your joints like jogging. And we could bitch about everything together. I'll go with you any day I don't have to work late. Seriously, let me know. I could use the exercise myself.

this is a lot longer than i planned. sorry. :P

[mastermindsgirl.livejournal.com]

I haven't even weighed myself and I feel this post. I went to put on a pair of jeans I could wear toward the end of last year, jeans I fought long and hard for over many hours at the gym, and I couldn't get them buttoned and zipped. It wasn't that much of a surprise, really, but it kind of broke my heart. Doesn't help that my lover, while on the chubby side, pretty much eats anything he wants and doesn't seem to suffer for it. He enjoys rich food, both while dining out and at home, and I know he doesn't get enough home cooking, so when we're together, I oblige him as often as I can. The result: My too-chubby face in the mirror that it's getting harder to hide by staring at myself from flattering angles, tighter clothes, and the resurgence of a self-loathing I'd thought long dead.

I don't know how much I weigh. I'm afraid to know. I know it's just a number, and that it should not have that much power over me, but I have serious humiliation issues dating back to a group weigh in 6th grade. My weight (the actual number itself) has been a source of deep shame for me ever since the day my gym teacher put me on the scale, then made a big show of looking around behind me and asked (in front of my whole class) "198! *whistle* Who else you got on that scale with you, girl?"

198. I look back at the pictures of myself then, and even later, in high school when I got into the 250s, and I want to cry. I would kill today to have the body I had back then, and I thought I was such a hideous monster. That no one could ever love me, or be attracted to me. It just makes me shake my head at the mindjob my mom did on me, and the rest of the world at large.

So! Off to the gym tomorrow morning for me, and we shall see how it goes from there! I for one would like to read about your thoughts and experiences as you go forward with your changes, if you feel inclined to write about them.

Lots of love from Indiana, girl.