Thursday

I think I know what's wrong with me today.

That makes me one step closer to a cure, right?

Ha.

I had a crossandwich & tater totties with a diet Coke for breakfast. (of Champions I tell you!)

After sitting here a while I realized there was only one major task facing me this morning. All others seemed to fall away, despite their urgency. I needed to make a phone call that I'd been putting off for several weeks. There is no reason for my reluctance. No punishment if I do or don't dial. No good or bad news forthcoming.

Yet I couldn't bear to pick up the phone. I played solitaire in various forms. I read your journals. I answered your comments, and made comments of my own.

I bought another diet Coke.

I read the news, I watched video broadcasts, I clicked and clicked and clicked.

All the while I've felt like I'm holding myself together under my skin with only my two bare hands. And not succeeding well at that. Almost shivering, completely unable to cope with the thought of the phone call or doing anything else that remotely resembled work.

So I made the phone call. I reported the results in an email to my boss. And I continued to barely hold myself in with my bare hands.

I think I've had too much caffeine.

"Well duh!" you say? Hah. I used to suck it down like water, and require at least four a day just to get home. I'm now down to three because I don't think to drink it as often, and I no longer like the taste. THAT'S WEIRD.

I can't afford to go off caffeine. I'll sleep the entire day. I don't know what I'm going to do.