Focus

I have no focus right now. 
I can't pull my thoughts together enough to do any sort of work. 
I know there are some things I've said I'd do, 
and I can't quite recall what they are, 
and my head hurts. 
It might even be my brain that hurts. 
I had sharp pains in my lower back, on the left side this morning. 
Not back pain, not muscular, something deeper. 
What is that in there? My kidney? My liver? 
And carrying four files to an office in the front of the building later this morning 
had me gasping for breath before I'd gotten halfway there. And that's not normal.
I want to go home, but my boss isn't available, and I'm not sure he'd agree to it. 
I have work that I have to leave the office to do, so I'd like to get out and do that, 
but I keep thinking there's something else I NEED to do before I leave. 
And for the life of me I can't remember what it is. 
I can't even sit through a game of solitaire.

I wonder who would notice if I didn't answer email or the phone? 
Well, right now nobody would notice. 
I don't have any unanswered email. 
I've got to pull myself together before I get home this evening, 
there's things to be done tonight.

Oh god. 
It feels like everything in my brain is slipping away. 
My only consolation is the knowledge that this too shall pass.

better

I'm feeling a little better. Got to listen to a couple new cd's, got a
little Brent-attention, had somebody else makin' over me a little bit,
and it's eased some of my tension. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I
don't think that's going to be so easy to assuage. I need testosterone,
hands-on contact, and a very intimate pity party.

Maybe some day I'll find a guy who wants to give me all that in person
face to face when I need it. Right now I can't even look for him. So I
guess I'll put on my Scarlett O'Hara face and "think about that
tomorrow".