mynewplace

Jun. 9th, 2005

"You know where the best place to be is? Anywhere that I am."

Its going on my userinfo page when I get home.

Today is a quiet morning. But I'm not feeling quiet inside - my mind is whirling, searching for stimulation; dancing on a hotplate of anticipation of email from someone.

Who?

Anyone!

The last few mornings have been slow in my lj. I know if I went to my trash box and counted, there would be 20+ responses on any given day to things I've written, either as a post or as a comment to someone else.

That's a lot, you say.

Weeeeelllllll . . . . . .

I'm a greedy bitch, I want more.

I crave connection, adulation, conversation with adult minds, stimulating thought-provoking animated entertainment.

I love those mornings when I wake up after hitting on a subject that rings clear and true the night before, and I find 20 emails waiting for me - then they continue to pour in all day. It's water to my thirsty soul.

On days like today, when its quiet, and there are just a few emails, I wander from Trash to Inbox to Sent Items, reading and re-reading, constantly checking my bait. What did I say? Oh, that was good! Well this could have been worded differently

Jiggling, adjusting, tinkering, fiddling. Shaking the Boggle in my head to mix the letters and see what else they form. Testing the waters, to determine if there have been any nibbles. Looking at my lures, all laid out before me in neat rows of idiom and simile.

I itch to check livejournal, but I try to avoid that if at all possible while I'm here at work. I wouldn't even post if I couldn't mail it in, like I'm doing now. But I wonder what each and every one of you out there are doing. I ponder your actions, your behavior, your busy lives. And I squirm bright-eyed in eager anticipation of learning more. The little girl inside screams "TAWK TO MEEEEE!!"

And I go back and check my Sent Items again....

Have you ever come to care about someone through their shared words and thoughts, through their kindness and concern, and watched as that person by necessity struggled alone through a horrid ordeal?

Have you ever wanted to be a comfort to someone, because if anybody deserved it, THEY deserve it, but found it completely out of your power to do so?

Have you ever ached with the frustration of useless words that welled up inside you, choked them back to prevent them sliding across someone's line of vision - for you knew those words were naught but patent medicine?

Have you ever wondered what more adversity could be poured onto a young body with an old soul, why some people are not destined to be hale and hearty, why some people aren't permitted a mind at ease?

Have you ever cried at your own powerlessness?

I love you, Shane.

Tagged by pyrcedgrrl because SHE sucks. :D

But that's okay, cause I bet she's good at it!

List you six current favorite songs, and then pick six other people to do the same.

1.) Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes

2.) B52's - The LOOOOOVE SHACK!

3.) Dexy's Midnight Runners - C'mon Eileen

4.) Hootie & The Blowfish - I Only Wanna Be With You

5.) Eagles - Seven Bridges Roooooooo-oooooooad

6.) Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville

Six other people? If you read this, you're tagged.

Up and down day - as evidenced by the posts.

I think I'm done with Brent. Yeah yeah, said that before. But in looking over the last ten months of our friendship, he has been manipulative and selfish. There have been many times when he has not been a friend to me, but just a mental playmate, using me to boost his ego, and I have done the same. He got me through something, unwittingly, and I will always have some very fond memories of certain things regarding him. But he could have been more of a friend than he has been. He chose to refuse my requests to include Tisha in our friendship, and looking back I am amazed to see that he made the choice from the very beginning, indicating that perhaps he had intended to use me to cheat on her LONG before I ever allowed a thought of a sexual nature regarding him to cross my mind. Of course, with the way my mind works, that just makes me wonder even more about his thought process. And that means I'm thinking about him, and frankly, I don' wanna.

Instead, I'm going to post some pictures that MyShane sent me - he's a photoshop genius, among other things, and has had some fun playing with these pics that I originally posted a couple weeks ago. Without further ado - I present MOI; Redux