Oh, I don't blame you, really. I still don't know what in Gods name possessed me to do this. Its very out of character for me. Maybe its because I was showing so much of my soul this summer that I got a bit of a thrill from the exhibitionism.
Was it hard for you? It seems like not so long ago that you made a comment to someone about not posting yourself fully nude. Next thing, you're running off to pose in front of someone.
Hmm. Its kind of hard to explain. It WAS hard. But after I got the breast pics out there, and received some fairly decent acceptance regarding them, then it was a bit easier. Its almost as if, once I showed Brian the pics that Scarlett and I had taken, and he was willing to do the fully nude shots, then I had this overwhelming feeling that it NEEDED to be done. For some deep psychological reason. It probably took me an hour or more to get my clothes off once I was there. It wasn't easy. (though it would be easier, should I get a chance to do it again) But I still feel that it was probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. Acceptance from someone OTHER than these people who have seen inside my head will go a long way toward my own self-love.
Well, I've never put much stock in my looks, because being an attractive woman has never really benefitted me. I didn't believe I was until sometime in the last few years. So while all these people have told me all my life that I was pretty, I've always felt that it wasn't worth much. I mean, the thing that matters to me - having someone in my life who cares enough about me to stay with me, and who is someone that I can care enough for to stay with - my looks have never brought that.
It's complex for me, and I'm not sure I've worked out completely how I feel about these things. Some of my thoughts and feelings though:
I feel as though my personality, or who I was did win me love, despite how I looked. Then I felt that I was rejected for exactly that: who I was.
Chava made me feel wanted, but she never made me feel at all attractive. I always felt like I was not much to look at, but at least I was a decent fuck.
Now some people tell me I'm attractive, and I'm almost at the point where I can believe that they might really think so. (Though it's hard for me to believe anyone would, of course.)
I feel a little more comfortable with how I look, and even that it's a little more likely that a person would like me for how I looked. But I feel much less likable personality-wise.
Having people tell me that I'm attractive is a bit of a new experience for me, and I'm still trying to work out just what that means to me.
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I'm still not sure how to feel about a person telling me I'm attractive. Nobody ever really has much until recently.
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I feel as though my personality, or who I was did win me love, despite how I looked. Then I felt that I was rejected for exactly that: who I was.
Chava made me feel wanted, but she never made me feel at all attractive. I always felt like I was not much to look at, but at least I was a decent fuck.
Now some people tell me I'm attractive, and I'm almost at the point where I can believe that they might really think so. (Though it's hard for me to believe anyone would, of course.)
I feel a little more comfortable with how I look, and even that it's a little more likely that a person would like me for how I looked. But I feel much less likable personality-wise.
Having people tell me that I'm attractive is a bit of a new experience for me, and I'm still trying to work out just what that means to me.