mynewplace (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mynewplace) wrote2007-06-19 01:37 pm
mynewplace) wrote2007-06-19 01:37 pm
Tuesday
First and foremost - THANK YOU. Thank you oh so very much for your supportive words of comment on my post yesterday evening. Stress was playing its part in making me a basket case, but as usual, a new day has improved my mood substantially.
I'm working today for a few hours, while Scarlett sits at home engrossed in television. We saw our psychiatrist this morning, and he was willing to allow me to experiment with her Adderall dosage, but did
not feel it was necessary. I know that saying to a psychiatrist "I've talked to lots of people who can't believe she takes SO MUCH Adderall" would be a mistake. (and I didn't say that) Clearly her dose is working for her, although she has some trouble getting to sleep at night. But the thought of what must be underlying all those behavior issues, to make them require a high dose of amphetamine to control them, concerns me in some intangible way.
It probably doesn't help that I can't seem to get myself on a decent schedule to take my own medication. I haven't taken it in a week or more, and haven't ever taken it "regularly". I know I need to give these meds a chance to help me, but I don't want the kind of feeling they induce in me. I want to feel the way Adderall and Codeine make me feel. Which makes me sound like a whiny spoiled brat. Yes, it does, don't tell me it doesn't, because I recognize that sound quite well. It's the same sound Brent makes.
I'm craving healthy foods. I am going to buy some very good things to cook this week, and then hope that I'll be able to come up with some more cash next week to feed myself before I get paid again. I hope I don't end up buying too much and then losing some to rot. I should go to the grocery more often, I think. It just seems to require so much time to buy, then prep food to take along to work for lunch, that the idea makes me want to throw up my hands in despair. I've really got to try and ditch that mindset. It would probably help if I could ditch the person in my life who feels the same way and so easily influences me toward despondency. Brent is SUCH a DOWNER.
I had a horrendous day yesterday. That was a large reason for my subsequent self-hatred. I'll probably go into it later, but I just don't have time right now. I should be working.
I'm working today for a few hours, while Scarlett sits at home engrossed in television. We saw our psychiatrist this morning, and he was willing to allow me to experiment with her Adderall dosage, but did
not feel it was necessary. I know that saying to a psychiatrist "I've talked to lots of people who can't believe she takes SO MUCH Adderall" would be a mistake. (and I didn't say that) Clearly her dose is working for her, although she has some trouble getting to sleep at night. But the thought of what must be underlying all those behavior issues, to make them require a high dose of amphetamine to control them, concerns me in some intangible way.
It probably doesn't help that I can't seem to get myself on a decent schedule to take my own medication. I haven't taken it in a week or more, and haven't ever taken it "regularly". I know I need to give these meds a chance to help me, but I don't want the kind of feeling they induce in me. I want to feel the way Adderall and Codeine make me feel. Which makes me sound like a whiny spoiled brat. Yes, it does, don't tell me it doesn't, because I recognize that sound quite well. It's the same sound Brent makes.
I'm craving healthy foods. I am going to buy some very good things to cook this week, and then hope that I'll be able to come up with some more cash next week to feed myself before I get paid again. I hope I don't end up buying too much and then losing some to rot. I should go to the grocery more often, I think. It just seems to require so much time to buy, then prep food to take along to work for lunch, that the idea makes me want to throw up my hands in despair. I've really got to try and ditch that mindset. It would probably help if I could ditch the person in my life who feels the same way and so easily influences me toward despondency. Brent is SUCH a DOWNER.
I had a horrendous day yesterday. That was a large reason for my subsequent self-hatred. I'll probably go into it later, but I just don't have time right now. I should be working.
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S'all I got.
That and thoughts and prayers.
But you can have them all.
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I love your new icon, by the way.
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