Tuesday update

[mynewplace]

Update. It's noon, Tuesday, I'm at work. 

Scarlett went to school two hours late, will be getting out one hour early. Probably won't go at all tomorrow, as we are expecting snow. This is a bit stressful, but I am dealing well.

The weekend. It was good, we had a great time, I got two rooms cleaned. I began to feel a bit disconnected Sunday afternoon, but we reconnected Sunday evening. Monday morning, they cancelled school so Mom and Scarlett made several phone calls to me trying to figure out what to do with Scarlett. It was a bad time to call. It upset my groove, and I felt very dissatisfied and frustrated afterward. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to Brent about it, so he had no clue and that disconnected us again. Thus I left his house unhappy (he might have picked up a tone of discontent, but not much else) and the rest of my day was spent trying to get back into gear, mentally.

Scarlett and I saw "Night At The Museum" yesterday afternoon, and enjoyed it very much. It's now on our "must buy" list.

I cancelled an appointment I had today for an ultrasound series thingy on my bladder. I just couldn't face catheterization, etc., despite the fact that I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with that particular piece of my machinery. (more discord inside me, sensing a pattern here)

I'm growing disappointed with my drummer. I cannot touch his heart, and despite the good times we have together, there's a huge gap inside me that he's not willing to bridge. He's got too many of his own gaps to deal with. I might stay home next weekend. I don't know. He's drinking more during the week again, and he can't find a reason to stop. It frightens him, and worries him, but he can't bring himself to do anything about it. I walk away most every Sunday ready to leave him behind - feeling as if I've wasted my time. But every week hope springs new and by the time another weekend comes around I'm tense and desperate for some of his attention. (can we say "addict"? Sure we can)I'm craving peace and tranquility, and I don't find it there. More reason to stay home this weekend. I need to be warm and comfortable - two things that are often lacking while I'm there, unless I'm in bed with him, or sitting in front of his chair with my head on his thigh. 

EDIT:  I also have a nagging cough that comes from deep in my lungs, the occasional gasp, and a low grade fever. I feel like shit. 

EDITEDIT: 

sugarcoatedbitch911's Daily Virgo Forecast
	Quickie: You could fall under the spell of something shiny and new today -- don't buy it.
	Overview: Evaluate just what you're getting by sticking by this person's side. Yes, loyalty is a virtue, but when it's wedded to blind stubbornness, it could be causing a lot of easily preventable and unnecessary havoc.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Things just aren't working right now. In my mind or anywhere else. So I'm going to end this entry, before I start typing random words willy nilly.

spork

raisin

envelope

plastic 



Too late.

Comments

[lazydaize.livejournal.com]

Sometimes (most of the time) if you don't tell us guys that something is brothering you, we don't pick up on feelings. On the other hand, if you come running into the room "nerked" and pounce on us, we normally can take the hint.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I try not to expect him to pick up on anything. But sometimes it's hard to say things out loud. Like "Yeah, I came once. Have you ever known me to be satisfied with that?"

[reallyamermaid.livejournal.com]

I assume that this ultrasound would be performed transvaginally. If not, I can't imagine a cath. And even if so, I'm unaware that a catheter is standard procedure for this. Ask Nurse Leigh. Maybe that's the way to go, but it's a new one on me and I would question it myself as a patient.

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what they want to do. Fill my bladder and THEN look at it, etc., test something about the urgency or some such. I'm just not ready, financially or emotionally. NO pain. Not right now.

Adding to the silly words

[covertamerican.livejournal.com]

testicular

brainless

clueless

penis ... as long as we're in the "esses/ises" might as well through that one in there.

Sorry to hear about the medical "challenge." (((Hugs)))

Sorry this entry doesn't make that much sense. =/

Re: Adding to the silly words

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

All your words are INTIMATELY RELATED. Testicular and penis cause brainless and clueless.

[wyrd-sisters.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the dynamics between you could use a little swing toward your side...staying home a weekend might help.

I dunno the history of the medical thing, but I hope you get better. {{hugs}}

[sapphirescarlet.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! I'm not sure I know the history of the medical thing either, to be honest. I owe a lot of doctors money, and I've had to stop seeing them until I can get some of the bills paid down, for my own peace of mind. So I'll just have to wait a while longer before I figure out what's wrong with me.