It's complex for me, and I'm not sure I've worked out completely how I feel about these things. Some of my thoughts and feelings though:

I feel as though my personality, or who I was did win me love, despite how I looked. Then I felt that I was rejected for exactly that: who I was.

Chava made me feel wanted, but she never made me feel at all attractive. I always felt like I was not much to look at, but at least I was a decent fuck.

Now some people tell me I'm attractive, and I'm almost at the point where I can believe that they might really think so. (Though it's hard for me to believe anyone would, of course.)

I feel a little more comfortable with how I look, and even that it's a little more likely that a person would like me for how I looked. But I feel much less likable personality-wise.

Having people tell me that I'm attractive is a bit of a new experience for me, and I'm still trying to work out just what that means to me.