(no subject)

I haven't been to lj in a long time. Most of my friends know this by now. And many wonder why. I think it might make some of them sad. And I'm sorry. I truly am, because it means that I've been neglecting my friends here. But I hope you can understand. I think most of you do. I have been experiencing an overwhelming life of late. Work was getting stressful. Scarlett started school. My dating life had taken off like a rocket, only to fall back to earth in miserable shattered pieces. (believe I predicted that somewhere, but can't recall now) Its taken another turn, but that's beside the point right now, because letters back and forth with Todd are not stressful. Not yet anyway. Other things, more personal than I can really mention, are also overwhelming me. And the worst thing of all is that I think I've lost my words.

I have to talk. I have to talk to Scarlett, (and dear GOD I have to listen to HER too!) I have to talk to my boss. I have to talk to my coworkers. I have to talk to everyone who calls. And some days there are lots of those. I have to talk to EVERYBODY it seems. And as a result, I have run out of words. I don't have anything to say anymore, it seems. Oh, occasionally Rosie will get on a rant that brings the same out in me. Or Liz will appear online at the same time I am, and because I miss her so, I will talk. And I think if I saw Neme, the same thing would happen. Although the last time I saw her, I was occupied and couldn't talk. That hurt me, Neme. And I'm still sorry about it. I talked to Matthew today. And it was good. But somehow, still, I have little to say here. And I can't seem to write. Or even read. I haven't been to TRS since the format changed. I've read a few small pieces here, but haven't read any real smut in a long time. I don't know if I'm losing interest, or burning out, or just spending all my time elsewhere.

Now I need to mention at this point that I am not sure that I care yet. It may come back, this overwhelming desire to write. Or it may not. And I've heard from people who miss what I write. And I love them for it. Especially you, Joseph. You know what's going on in my mind more than anyone probably, and I'm glad you still want to hear it. And I'm glad you miss it when I write. It makes me feel good. But I worry, perhaps everything I had to say is out there. Maybe that's all. And I don't want to write half-heartedly. Because that stuff is crap. I guess this is turning into a rant, I don't know, but I think of it more like this. I'm asking you to bear with me. If you want to see more, that's great, that's nice of you to feel that way, and thanks for the vote of confidence. But if you don't, please don't think that I love any of you any less. Each one of you who reads this is dear to me in a very special way. And I think that's what I wanted you to know.