I'm sitting here eating Parsnip Chips by Terra
. I adore them, although I'm not fond of parsnips. I also love their mixed ones, and the spiced sweet potato. Sure, they're deep fried, but there are no transfats. And there's about 900 calories in a bag, but I don't eat them all in one day. Not usually anyway.
Two bridges collapse in two days. It's a scary thing, and so sad. smiteboy
, I hope you and your friend are okay.
I'm having dinner with skyearthandsea
after work today! I love Shoneys, and I can't remember what Thursdays buffet is, but yum anyway. She's going to loan me her second copy of The Deathly Hallows
, and I'm SO damned excited! Scarlett is coming home Friday evening for the weekend, so maybe I'll read it out loud. She's been assigned a book to read during the summer for discussion (and testing I bet) during English class this fall. It's called The Wanderer
. She hasn't read it yet, and she's lost the copy I bought her, so she's checking it out from the library. I'm going to have to read it in order to help her remember crucial parts, etc. Although she reads quickly, and frequently, I've found that she doesn't retain the information and seems to skip a lot. She reads the Harry Potter books over and over, but still doesn't recall major scenes. So I'm thinking if I can read it too, and encourage her to read it more than once, she might have a chance and improve her retention.
Brent told me he loved me last night. Yes, he was drunk. No, he didn't mean it "that way". I appreciate his efforts to allow himself to feel again, because he's opened up to me so much that I find it frustrating to hear him continue to say things like "I'll never marry," and "I've closed off my heart." I try so hard to be patient, but I don't think he realizes what an effort it takes. He did not shut the door on the possibility of coming to love me more and in a different fashion. I have trouble differentiating his gratitude from his affection. He believes that because I think his kindness is from gratitude that I therefore assume he doesn't care. That's just not true. I've never presumed that he doesn't care for me - I know he does, and has for some time. Sometimes I wish that we could just sit down and discuss all this and work out our differences in thought. But there's no opportunity for that. I have an aversion to hearing "I love you" when he's drunk. And he has an aversion to emotional discussion when he's sober. I know
I need to quit obsessing and just enjoy the time together. And I know that my reasons for being unable to do so are based on past experience. In life I tend to expect no major catastrophes and I tend to approach catastrophes calmly with an attitude that appears to be indifference to the naked eye. I've taught myself to be this way. However, in romance, I'm just the opposite.
I'm feeling much better after only a couple of days back on the Lamictal. In combination with the Cymbalta, it gives me more pep in the mornings, and it lasts most the afternoon. It would last VERY well if I could take a NAP in the afternoon. I'm also drinking less Diet Coke, and managing to have about 8-12 oz of ice water between each caffeinated drink. Anyway, by the end of the work day I'm bushed. That's not so good. It will be especially bad once school starts. I'm going to have to figure out something.
Last night I woke up at 3 a.m. with horrible pain in my jaws. It made me feel like my entire body hurt, and I couldn't lay on either side without pain. So I got up and took half a Lortab, sat in the recliner to wait it out without putting pressure on my face, and headed back to bed about 30 minutes later. I slept well the rest of the night, but I'm worried about my usage. I need to count my pills to see how many I've taken since I got them.
I can't get my hair straight without frizz. Damned humidity. I need a haircut, and I want a fucking pedicure. I have a little extra money this payday, I might get a pedi. No haircut for me yet, tho. They are more expensive and time consuming. My hairdresser opened a shop in her home, and it's in the next county. Feh.
My hands are icy cold. I get cold EVERY morning in this office, no matter the temperature outside, and usually end up using my space heater and turning off the air in my office. Most the time when I go out for lunch, I don't even turn on the air conditioner in my car until I've driven a few blocks. But by the time I get back, I'm "glowy" and have to turn on the air in here. It's bizarre. But that's the least bizarre thing my body does. I'm not going to go into it because you all would probably freak out and tell me to go to a doctor. I already know that.
Okay. I think I'm done for now.