mynewplace: (Bitch!)
[personal profile] mynewplace
Online life is a tricky thing. You make new friends, some for a while, some for a lifetime; some were friends already and you simply add an additional layer of connection.  Maybe you start out as curious about someone, or romantically attracted, or you have interests in common or friends in common or maybe you're just "OMG TARDIS!" together.

That's okay.  Maybe that's all it ever is, and it's fine and no one wants anything more.  Maybe the other party wanted something more and you tried that on for size and found it didn't fit. Maybe YOU wanted more, and were either silently or politely or not-so-kindly rebuked, but you stayed, and you thought it was okay still.  You might linger as friends or "wanna-bes" for ever.

But what if you don't?  When you go from being interested in what they have to say to being uninterested, you can leave the connections online thinking no one's the wiser if you simply say nothing. Often you're right, no one IS the wiser, that's how journals get abandoned and left on your friends list despite having had no new content since 2005.

But what if it goes further? What if you go from being interested in the writer to no longer willing to tolerate their personal brand of journaling?  What if you don't want to read any more? Sure you can drop them, and say so if they ask.  It's not your responsibility if they have a less than positive emotional response to your decision. You can't control their reaction.  In fact, if you COULD control them, then maybe they wouldn't write things that you no longer find amusing, or no longer find yourself willing to read.

You can take them off your friends list so you don't see their entries without them knowing.  You can ignore their comments in your own journal.  You can even delete the comments if you want to open THAT can of worms.  Or you can just delete them altogether so they can no longer see your entries either, and no longer comment on same.  There's often fallout to that choice.  You've probably experienced it, if you've been on LJ for any length of time.  In fact I would bet that you have experienced both.  You have left and been questioned about it AND someone has left YOU and you've questioned them about it.  Haven't you?  Yes, I know you have. Hopefully you've grown wiser as a result, perhaps grown more kind or empathic or considerate as well.  (Pardon me, have you seen my pity? It was here just moments ago, truly.  I cannot seem to find it - small, fluffy, pink thing, quite warm, gives good hugs? Have you seen it?  Have you seen my pity?  Heeerreee pitypitypity!!)

And it's all just random hypothetical bullshit until someone loses an eye.  Every single person who reads this will have some form of this thought cross their mind while reading "Is she dropping me?"

I love the way Dr. Phil says it - It ain't abooout youuuuuu!!!!!

Cause it ain't.  No. It ain't!  I know you're saying "Yes it is!" But It Ain't. 

Date: 2013-05-07 11:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I know I've had a few peeps drop me here and on FB. It can be life changes too, and they lose interest or just moved on to other stuff. Priority changes. Oh well. AW

Date: 2013-05-08 01:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Exactly. Oh well.

Date: 2013-05-07 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh my goodness! Did something happen?

Date: 2013-05-08 01:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Nope. I've just gotten beyond tired.

Date: 2013-05-08 10:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I never worry about it because I don't feel I am that interesting anyway.

To me this is just a place to unload 'stuff.'

Hope you're feeling better soon.
Edited Date: 2013-05-08 10:51 am (UTC)

Date: 2013-05-08 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh thanks. It's not so much that I feel I am interesting, it's that I no longer want to read about someone who seems to be set upon by outside forces, but in reality is blinded by the role they are playing in their own misery.

Date: 2013-05-08 02:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ebb and flow, Darling. {{{hugs}}}

Date: 2013-05-08 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, it's like that. Thanks Ruthie. I just know that if I cut this person loose, they are going to figure it out and want to know why. And I just don't want to go there, you know?

Date: 2013-05-09 12:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Remember the old saying, "Why cut what can simply be untied?"

Love you, 'Nita!

Date: 2013-05-08 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Friends for a reason, season or lifetime. It's funny, but the same ebb and flow happens in person as well. That's where I notice it, anyway. I notice friends that were once so dear to me and who I now have little contact with for one reason or another. People I once loved as brothers and sisters that I now can't think of a thing to say to, and vice versa. Often, it's just that people grow and change, sometimes that growth separates from lack of shared outlooks.

Thanks for the thoughts, today.

Date: 2013-05-08 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks for reading! You're right, of course. And it does happen in person a lot to me as well.

Date: 2013-05-09 02:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'd never leave you, hon - even thogh I'm limited with my 'net time now & don't spend as much time here as I should. Don't stop posting, dear :)

Date: 2013-05-10 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The term "friending" on LJ and FB implies a level of intimacy that does not exist (in most cases). It causes more hysteria and angst than another word (oh, let's see, "co-writer" or "onliner" or "typist) might.

I'd really prefer that someone write me a message like, "sorry, I just can't relate, have a nice life" than have it deteriorate into "you fucking moron! I'm sorry I ever friended you!" But the internet, with its built-in anonymity, seems to be the source of all kinds of vitriol that wouldn't happen face-to-face. (Or maybe it would, depending on the person.)

what we find

Date: 2013-08-12 11:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
or maybe we find cool blogs like this one while just randomly browsing...nice colors...very homely

Re: what we find

Date: 2013-08-13 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks. Have been planning to change them for a month now, never got around to it. Guess I'll wait til fall.


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